Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The DTR

Yes, those three bold letters are crucial when it comes to understanding where a couple stands in the dating process. I'm sure every one of us has had a DTR at some point in time. And I'm sure it was probably as awkward as could be whenever this acronym happens. For the record the letters DTR stand for "determine the relationship." Awkward, I know.

Initially, a DTR starts out with the phrase, "So what are we?" This is followed by an awkward lowering of the chin and random movement of the hand back and forth at chest level. The instigator of this conversation is not shocked or stunned by the development of the dialogue, however the opposed takes this inquiry in as awkward of a fashion as possible.

Joe Schmoo: "Uh...what are we? What's that supposed to mean?"

See the thing is, he knows exactly what she means. I have stereotyped her as the instigator, and he as the instigat-ee because on average, those genders follow the same pattern of dialogue. Normally the DTR occurs after a few dates, and few moments of physical contact. Repeated nicmo offenders are destined for a DTR, however a repeated nicmo is an anomaly in itself. Repeated nicmo's can no longer e classified as actual nicmo's.

For the record, if you do not know what the term nicmo means, browse on over to urbandictionary.com and type in the word nicmo. I promise, there will not be any pornography in doing so.

Ahh, I remember my first DTR. It was 1:30 in the morning. Myself and the Willow Diva were just wrapping up a solid nicmo session on my couch. Rolling over she turned and started making the accusations.

Willow Diva: "So...what are we?"

Swamp Thing: "What are we...what?"

Willow Diva: "You know, this." Cue awkward hand movements.

Swamp Thing: "This is...my apartment?"

Willow Diva: "No, I mean, what are we doing here?"

Swamp Thing: confused/perplexed/WTF look across my face. Is this a trick question?"

And from that point on things between me and the Willow Diva fizzled out. She wanted to know where we stood in the relationship, and I wanted to know if she was going to let me get a few winks of sleep in any time soon. The DTR is the Achilles heel in any type of relationship between two people. It sliced up our romance quicker than the creeper from Saw.

When push comes to shove the DTR is the ultimate relationship killer. If a couple has to have the DTR, then they don't know where the relationship is headed and a potential break-up is in the not too distant future.

Somewhere, the Willow Diva could still be wondering.



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