For the record, I am not depressed.
At least that’s what all of you were thinking after reading my rant about how the L-word is all just a myth. A hoax. A big ball of crap.
For full effect, download “Needle” by Born Ruffians and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.
It was shocking to see how many of you came out of the woods this week to tell me how freakishly accurate my predictions were about marriage. And it was also shocking to see when more and more people reaffirmed my half-empty opinions on the subject, the more outraged I became at what my life would end up becoming. Perhaps it may be my male menstrual cycle hitting on all cylinders, but whatever it was, I was mad.
I was angry.
I was bitter.
I was pissed off.
And then one morning I woke up and realized that things in my life aren’t actually all that bad, and that I in fact do have a great life.
Now please don’t be confused, this isn’t a self-praising, narcissistic, I’m-just-going-to-stare-at-my-reflection-in-the-river-Styx-for-hours blogpost, this is actually just me reflecting on a series of events that happened this past week when the big man in the sky fed me a piece of humble pie, and backhanded me the authenticity that everything will in fact be alright.
You see kids, I have a roof over my head, I have clothes on my back, I have food in my belly, and I can DVR the series finale of “Breaking Bad”. I can be a jack of all trades, and there are probably one or two girls out there that might think I’m not too shabby looking if I decide to shave off my 8-day lapse in facial hair. For me to complain that my life is hard because I haven’t been able to find a wife at the disgustingly old age of 28 in Mormon culture, well that’s nothing to complain about at all. Because in all seriousness, I have a great life.
And that’s the thing.
So do you.
Life really isn’t that bad at all, now is it? I can sit here and whine and moan all day long about the fact that I’m not married, but you know what, it could be worse. My unwanted bachelorhood is a speck compared to the misery that other people are forced to endure every single day. And likewise you can go and vent about the hardships and trials and calamities that you have been dealt in this poker game that we all call life all you want to.
But you know what? It’s really not that bad. For a moment things may appear hard, the pressure may feel daunting, the misfortunes we have been shelled out make us want to sob in the fetal position. But sooner or later those things will pass. Life will go on. And somewhere in Albuquerque, or Istanbul, or Provo, there has to be at least one other person out of the 7 billion walking this Earth that perhaps has a slightly tougher road to hoe than you do. Isn’t that right?
So calm down. Go to church, get on your knees, thank whatever God you believe created you for the fact that your life really isn’t as tough as someone who just walked out of an abortion clinic or was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Remember that life is good, and things will sooner or later get better. Take a deep breathe and go hug your mother.
Everything will be alright.