With that being said, and the fact that I am unsobered up with a concoction of Nyquil, Mt. Dew Amp residue, Alka Seltzer and a Ritz cracker, I will make a feeble attempt at rejoining the blogging world, and letting my fingers keep you entertained for the next 90 seconds.
Again, no giggity.
Setting the sexual innuendo and sinus infection's aside, I would like to direct your attention to what I think is the best holiday of the year. Yes, that celebration that revives the demonic creature inside all of us. Here we are on yet another black and orange sabbath eve, continuing all of the terror traditions that have been carried out over the years of trick-or-treating and ghost stories. Pillow cases full of candy, pumpkin carving, watching scary movies… there is absolutely nothing better than this time of year.
Halloween is one of the best holidays, wouldn't you say? I was always depressed as a little kid when it wasn't viewed in the same light as Thanksgiving or Christmas, and we never got school taken off for it. One has to wonder how random a holiday Halloween is in the first place with the main activity being getting dressed up in costumes and going from house to house asking for candy.
I still remember my very first Halloween. I was Mario from Super Mario Brothers. Yep, that's right, fake Italian moustache and everything. Well almost. See, I wasn't from the most wealthy family in the world, so my costume basically consisted of a way too small pair of overalls, an old hat, and the plunger from my bathroom.
My next famous costume was a few years later when I was Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who by the way is the best turtle of the four. But yet again, my costume supplies were low, and I had to settle on green face paint, a cardboard box, and a bunch of my clothes stuffed into a green jumpsuit. But hey, when you're that low on funds you learn to improvise and it works just fine.
Over the years I have graduated from the video game toilet bowl cleaners and masked amphibian crime fighters, to the much more mature, more "hip" costumes of Matrix heroes and football legends. OK, maybe not the more mature costumes because wearing any type of costume celebrates the young person inside of all of us.
Halloween is the holiday where the little kid we all hold back starts jumping for joy at the thought of wearing a huge Spider-man suit and staying awake eating mini Kit Kats all night long. Where else can you get away with that? I would have to say either on Jerry Springer or in a behavioral medicine clinic.
I'm kind of stuck right now though. Here it is the day before Halloween and I still don't have a costume picked out. Should I be something funny? Should I get something that is scary to wear? Should I just not wear a costume and when people ask what I am tell them to guess? OK, maybe that last one isn't the best idea available.
I guess the point of all of this is that there has been a mix of some of the most hilarious and ridiculous costumes ever created for this haunted holiday. However, I must say the funniest costume I have ever seen was my sophomore year in college at a party, when a kid walked in wearing nothing but a white Glad trash bag. I was intrigued by it and approached him:
Swamp Thing: “Cool costume. What are you supposed to be, dude? A ghost? A bubble? What?”
He chuckled and turned back to me, “A trojan.”