Sunday, June 29, 2014

How To Not Suck At Life

Stop. Seriously, just stop. For the love of Neil Patrick Harris, just stop it. I ask, nay, I plead, nay, I beg you from the depths of the soul I am pretty sure the good man upstairs blessed me with, for the sake of actual humanity existing, please stop posting links on your social media that you think will change my life. 

Spoiler alert, they won't. 

For full effect, download "Anthems For A 17-Year Old Girl" by Broken Social Scene and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. 

Social media has become infested with motivational posts written by self-proclaimed independent geniuses who have unscrambled the concoction we all call life. It is a smothering of rubbish testimonials 800 words long that everyone is gorging themselves on like a cheap morning buffet in Las Vegas. Go ahead, take a glance at your Facebook feed this beautiful Sunday afternoon. How many of your so-called friends have plastered your walls with posts that they insist are “must-reads”?

You want to know the 8 key habits that highly successful people do every single morning? Or what about the 11 life hacks to use that will improve your social interactions with your friends outside of Twitter? Here friends, come click on this link I embedded that this really intelligent man wrote that is going to ensure you will be married before you turn 30. This, this my friend, will solve all of your problems. Forget about life experience or actual trial and error that molds your own true character. If you don't read this post I hyperlinked to Facebook, well you are going to fail at life, plain and simple. 

Why do we do this? Why do we live vicariously through other peoples’ surrogate profiles? Why are we obsessing over motivational placebos that we are convinced will change our lives? As two-faced as this sounds, why the curse word are you reading this blog in the first place? In all reality, this post itself is rather hypocritical. I appreciate your support and respect for actually clicking on this link and reading through my rants, but I myself, am a simple, uninspired man who has a track record of hilarious screw-ups. You think my perspectives are going to magically change your life? Sorry to disappoint you but in the long run, they probably won’t.

Everyone: "Brock, you really need to read this blogpost a guy wrote about discovering who he was before he found his wife. I think that will really help you in your situation. I think that will finally ‘fix you’.” 

Me: "Why thanks, how about you take a glance at this piece that talks about how not to be a condescending pecker who lives secondhand through social media to try and better themselves. It's a pretty accurate piece, I think you'll like it."

I won’t read the nonsense you send me. I really won’t. I don't want to hear Matt Walsh call me and the rest of my single brethren out accusing us of not being men. I don't want you to broadcast the 16 books I need to read before I turn 30 that will supposedly alter the path of my life. I have not reached the point of no return where my only salvation will be a come-to-Jesus blogpost written about the 9 habits highly successful people have to ensure a life-long romantic relationship with their spouse. No, I don’t care about the blind date that one guy did on his ten-year anniversary that helped him re-fall in love with his wife. It is his life, not mine.

Everyone: "Here Brock, you are a failure. Take this blogpost. It is a ‘must-read’. It will change who you are. It will make it so you just don’t suck at life."

No, you want to know how to not suck at life? Why don’t you simply turn off your computer, shut off your phone, abandon the digital concoction that everyone is addicted to and quit co-depending on someone else’s life thrown together on a blog. Because here’s a thought, you are someone completely different. You are not them. You are two completely different people and the “doctrine” that has become their salvation and translated into a fanatical blogpost is probably not going to be what ultimately saves you.  

Hey friend, you want to know how to not suck at your life?

Quit caring what other people think.

What do you think?


  1. Wow, you're kind of a grumpy individual. Lighten up!

  2. How to not suck at life-this could be a long list. I think it starts with understanding that those people around you want what's best for you, even if their comments come off as ignorant or condescending; I know, I've been there too! Don't give people the opportunity to harden you and make you cynical, you're a great person who doesn't suck at life, just be happy regardless. People are always going to say/post/text dumb, offensive, or irrelevant things (this may very well be one of them in your opinion) but is it really worth it to take time out of your non-sucky life to worry about it? Nah, of course not! Just focus on being the smart, funny, accomplished, attractive, sweet, clever Brock that I love most. It really is heart breaking to see people getting to you so much when you're so great!
    Sorry if this comment sucks at life.

  3. And I L-word you too, anonymous people... (insert manly smiley face emoticon here) For the record, this was not a post ranting about how I feel the world is ganging up on me, this was simply calling out everyone for living secondhand through social media and plastering their walls with links that they think will solve the world's problems. It just gets old at times, and I think you'll agree. Also, I am not sad, or grumpy, or angry or bitter at life at all. Whenever I get that way, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.
    Thanks for your comments though, I do appreciate them. Any feedback at all keeps me writing.

  4. You're kind of a little swear word. Hah. And you're probably thinking, wow why is this person even taking the time to write this long novel of their opinion. Well it's because I feel like it.

    First off, I agree that people should mind their own business. I think they tend to take others lives and think how they would feel in the persons situation, not "wow he is successful and happy, and has a nice tan." Instead they think, you must be so lonely, being all alone. (Sounds like a Brian regan moment)

    Secondly, Have you ever thought that maybe the people posting those change the world posts, just like them because... Maybe some people like posting inspiring long worded posts, and maybe it does help someone or does change someone's world... I'm one of those people that loves posting all of that smooshy, long worded, change the world crap. I'm even one of those people that loves reading other peoples stuff, I somehow always think, "what could I learn from this." I love posting to inspire others, heck I do it for my job. Hah, I'm probably your favorite person right now. Don't worry.I don't think that my post about a man giving up his shirt to a homeless person will end world hunger, or solve all of our problems. I don't do it because of what other people think, I don't do it to change the world. I do it because maybe somewhere out there, in the world of social media my post helped someone. I know that if what I'm posting helps me, or changes me, then I for sure want to share it with "the world" and maybe change them.

    Now I understand that you are you, and that is truer than true. (Dr Seuss) No judgement here, just a fellow blogger sharing her opinion.
    -Megan ����

  5. Hi I'm looking for your contact info for a book review/post?
    Can you email me at EdenLiterary at gmail dot com