Monday, September 19, 2011

The Best Advice I Never Heard


This may sound like a rushed post, but believe me, I have plenty of things on my plate currently, so the majority of my attention is not going to be focused on writing. I will however attempt to entertain you for a good solid three and a half minutes like I usually do with these posts. And I'm sure I have the ability to keep a chuckle across your face with the intro to the Week of Dating, part deux. For the record, I am saying Part Deux, in honor of the sequel to "Hot Shots", which was easily Charlie Sheen's best cinema production.

The other night a fellow comrade of ours, Johnny Trojan was lamenting about his difficulties with the women. You see, he was on the verge of accomplishing something great with a member of the opposite sex as his attempts at wooing her were working like a charm. I will say this, Johnny Trojan does have a lot going for him. That evening, myself, Chief Kent, Roger Winston Eddingbright the 3rd, and Four-Eyed Fidelito were surrounding him in our basement handing out some of the best manly advice that can be heard from a group of Dr. Love's.

Four-Eyed Fidelito: "See man, you have to have confidence when you're with a girl. You have to make her think that you could take down anyone or anything that comes in front of you."

Swamp Thing: In agreement. "Yeah man, confidence is a big one with the ladies. Plus, you have to listen to her. You will get more girls in two weeks than you will in two years if you try to get to know them, rather than try them to get to know you. That's just the way it works. Plain and simple."

Roger Winston Eddingbright: "Amen to that buddy. Listen to her, have confidence, and also be gentleman. I think that taking care of the women in our lives is a lost art, and there aren't that many guys who know how to treat her like a queen."

This is all great advice wouldn't you say? And for roughly an hour and a half the five of us gave him Dr. Love-esque suggestions on how to romance this possible relationship-ee into courtship. It was the manliest of all discussions, and in those 90 minutes I think we made some real progress with Johnny Trojan. I think we gave him some of the best advice possible from a handful of guys who have experience, who have knowledge, and who have a so-called understanding of the opposite sex.

Then it hit me like a load of bricks as I laid on my cotton sheets with my sub-conscious starting to take over. I gave some really good advice, some of the best out there. And being a communication major who has dated plenty of girls, a guy who also has 11 sisters and a feminine father, I think I am one of the most reliable, most respected sources out there in regards to "How to Date a Girl." But the thing that suddenly slapped me upside the kisser was this:

I never take my own advice. Ever.

And I think that this semi-doctrine can be applied to us all. Every single one of us may have the best opinions out there when it comes to romance, and courtship, and all of that fluffy stuff, but when it comes to actually applying it to our own relationships, we can't do it. Almost as if we refuse to do it.

I think back to the many times I have made an absolute buffoon out of myself on dating escapades. There was the time that I told a girl I felt awkward for her holding my hand (granted I had been home from my two-year trip for a solid three weeks). There was the evening when I thought that the best way to romance this girl was impress her with all of my accomplishments and accolades, (which by the way she didn't care about one bit). And of course there is the infamous text-gate, which all of you know about very well, if you've been following this blog since around March.

I am a fool. I never listen to my own proddings on how to make a lady swoon. It's almost like I have Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan sitting on my shoulder shaking their heads in disgust while belting out the phrase, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!" (LTT)

No, I don't. I never do. And while I may be one of the best Dr Phil/Love advice givers in St. George, heck in all of Utah, I never take my own advice and apply it to the girls that I look at as potential long-term relationships. And that is why I am still single in this pool of single women swimming everywhere around me. I can give the best advice out there. Advice that could change your relationship and your future with a member of the opposite sex. But then again, what do I know. I'm still a menace to society.

At least I'm not drinking my juice in the hood.

What do you think?

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