Wednesday, September 28, 2011

W.O.W. Day 3


8:57 a.m.- Rolled out of bed this morning, sadly I wasn't greeted by an insect. They must have better room service here. The shower however was a little disappointing as the water pressure seemed like the nozzle was just drooling on me. I was a split-second away from grabbing the telephone by the toilet and asking for better room service.

10:10 a.m.- Senior day starts for the kids here at Evanston High School. For some reason they're all dressed up like cowboys here too. What's the deal with this theme? I grab the first John Wayne and ask him what it's all about.

John Wayne: "See, it's Homecoming Week and we're all sposta dress like 'em. (And yes, sposta is a word in Wyoming)
John Wayne's buddy: "Yeah, we play Mt. View on Friday, and we're gunna butcher them Bison." I think that Sarah McLaughlin would have a panic attack if she was up here.
Swamp Thing: "Well that's cool that you're showing some school spirit being the Cowboys and all."
John Wayne: "Oh, we ain't the Cowboys, we're the Red Devils!"
Swamp Thing: Confused/perplexed/WTF look across my face "Wait, so shouldn't you be dressed up as Red Devils then?
John Wayne: Confused/perplexed/WTF look across his face when he realizes the conundrum. "Wait a minute...then, we're not...Oh my gosh!" He walks away from my table in disarray. I think I might have just burst his bubble.

12:15 p.m.- In between sessions, I stop at a Subway in Lyman. Wait, what? They have Subway's here? I will admit it has been amusing to just take a look at the people around me in Wyoming. Take for instance two out of the three stooges that are standing in front of me wearing half-camouflage, half-Keystone light t-shirts as their wardrobe. Then there is the Dad mid-50's, who just love tapped his mid-70 year old mother across her bosoms. Meanwhile the three-toothed server with a drunk tattoo across her forearm asks me for the third time to remind her what bread I will be having. Wait, is that Amy Grant music playing in the background? This place makes no sense! I'm in somewhat of a Hitchcock film here!

12:49 p.m.- Just passed the "Jim Bridger Club of Wyoming" A place thats advertising for 'liquor', 'dancing', and 'kareokay'. I might stop by later tonight if I'm bored.

1:51 p.m.- It's a lot of hustle and bustle as I'm trying to explain to students the benefits of going to college. A young man with a lasso attached to his belt, (I kid you not) comes to my table.

Gene Autry: "If I come to Dixie, do ya'll gotta place that I can put my horse?"
Swamp Thing: "Uh...uh...I think so. It depends on where you live I guess. But you probably won't need your horse on a daily basis at college, I mean, you don't ride him to school everyday up here do you?"
Gene Autry: "YessirIdo" (All one word) "And the principal's gotta corral in the back where he keeps 'em all day. You gotta corral at Dixie for me?"
Swamp Thing: "Umm...I'll get back to you on that one."

3:28 p.m.- On my way out to Green River. The only things that I've seen on this highway are closed down gas stations with overgrown weeds everywhere, and billboards advertising some mini-oasis hotel called Little America. It seems like every quarter mile I see another billboard marketing the 50-cent ice cream cones, and the marble showers for semi's. This place has got to be a truckers haven.

5:01 p.m.- I check into my lodging, the Oak Tree Inn. Not bad for B.F.E., Wyoming. What should I do till dinner? There's a golf course just up the street, maybe I'll go hit a few balls. I should call ahead to see if they're busy at all. HA! What am I thinking? This is Wyoming.

Golf Course Attendant: "Rolling Green Country Club, how can I help you."
Swamp Thing: "Yeah, I'd like to get a tee time over there for this afternoon, how busy are ya'll?"
Golf Course Attendant: "We're wide open. Are you a member of our country club sir?"
Swamp Thing: "Umm...no. Is this a private course?
Golf Course Attendant: "Yes sir, and we only allow members to golf."
Swamp Thing: "How in the heck can this be a private course? It's the only golf course for 30 miles, and the population of this town is less than the amount of students that go to Dixie State College.
Golf Course Attendant: "I'm sorry sir, if you're not a member, then you'll have to find some other accommodations."
For some reason I think this attendant and the theater manager from last night are in cahoots.

6:30 p.m.-Well, since those plans got shot down, I guess I'll repeat the classic dinner and a movie routine as I did yesterday. This single dating life is starting to get kinda boring. The only movie theater in town is playing "Crazy, Stupid, Love". The cashier gave me an odd look as I paid for my ticket, maybe because I'm a single guy going to see a romantic comedy. I need a life...

9:01 p.m.- Watching a movie like that is like kicking me in the nuts and then patting me on the back as the credits roll. I pull into Penny's Diner, yet another hometown buffet. My server looks somewhat like she's following the fashion trends of John Travolta from the movie "Hairspray". I ask a fellow yokel what there is to do in this town tonight.

Fellow Yokel: "You gotta gun?"

Swamp Thing: "Nope."

Fellow Yokel: "Eh, you sissy." He turns back to his coffee. Well, I guess I'll hit the sack early yet again. I'll put money on the fact that it will be "Cowboy Day" at Green River High School tomorrow. Somewhere, Jim Bridger's Club of Wyoming is having a heyday with kareokay.


Location: Evanston, Mt. View, Green River, WY

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