Friday, September 23, 2011

I Don't Like Big Buts

From the title and the iconic image that I used for this post, you already know what song to download from iTunes and play a maximum volume throughout the duration of your reading. If you haven't figured it out yet, just type in Sir Mix-A-Lot into the search bar, and YouTube his disgusting one-hit wonder.

In other news, I will give a short shout out to any of my fellow Royals out there that are reading this post. I spent this morning recruiting at our Alma Mater, and I will say that I did get a bit sentimental feeling right at home with everyone donning black and gold. Good times I must say, good times.

But, back to the buts. And if you're an English major correcting my grammar, don't be alarmed just yet. The "but" that I'll be writing about today has only one T, not two. Which in turn leads me to pose the rhetorical question to you readers, how many of you clicked on this post thinking that I would be writing about something dirty? Sorry to crash your hopes and dreams, but that's just not me. Anymore.

So, Big Buts. I use this term as the theme for today's post, I think mainly because the word "but" is the most common term to describe the skeletons in all of our closets. And you have to admit, everyone has a skeleton or two dangling from coat hangers in their own personal/subconscious closets. However, rather than call them skeletons, our culture has learned to rename them by using the infamous term "but".

Hear me out on this.

Think about the last time that an awkward family member wanted to set you up on a blind date with someone that they knew. They would ramble on for a good solid 45 minutes about all of their accomplishments and achievements, but then once you started to lose focus for a moment or two, they would then throw the "but" in there when you're not looking. Seeing if they can slide a fast one by you. Model John V does it to me all the time when I'm headed up north.

Model John V: "Oh Brockie, I've got the best girl that I want to set you up with. She's smart, and pretty, and funny, and has a degree in business, and she's been to the moon and back, and she once saved an entire village in Uganda from burning down, and she can hold her breath under water for 11 minutes, and she can literally stop time when she wants to. Just like that, stop time. She is that incredible. I think you two would really hit it off."

Swamp Thing: "That's great, she sounds wonderful. But...?"

Model John V: "But, she used to be in a bloodthirsty gang and was once shot in the femur by someone who she had a 'hit' on, and that's why she walks with a limp, and because of that, she is now in the witness protection program, but that's all behind her. You two would be great."

Swamp Thing: "Check Please?"

There are buts everywhere. All over the place. And the older that I've gotten in this great state of dating escapades, the wilder and more outrageous the buts have gotten as well. And you hear them left and right, once the initial praising has calmed down, the but comes in to be the factor as to why they are still single. And believe me, I've just about heard them all.

Jane Doe: "...but, she's a bi-polar schizophrenic who has a fear of the color orange."

M. Brave Aurelius: "...but, she is 47 and lives with 13 cats."

VRM Mt. Pleasant Baker: "...but, she has a seven-eyed twin growing out of her back."

Fishmitts: "...but, she did serve a mission."

Alright, I'm playing on that last one, there's nothing wrong with a girl serving a full-time mission, but for other people, that seems to raise up a red flag on a potential relationship. These buts are everywhere. And I have found that the older I have gotten, the bigger the but has grown. I'm scared to think about what kind of buts I'm going to run into if I'm still in the single pool in ten years.

Random Stranger: "...but, she used to be a zebra. Aside from that, she's got a lot going for her. You two would be wonderful!"

I guess when it comes down to it, everyone has buts. No matter what size they may be, (giggity) we all have some type of but that makes us unique, that personalizes our own authentic character. And maybe true L-word means that you're able to look past those buts and care about the person in spite of the fact that they still sleep with their Care Bear doll and haven't shaved their legs or mustache since 8th grade.

What's my but you may ask? Hmm...that's a good question. I guess that we are all our own harshest critics, but if I were to be describing what my own but is, I guess I would just say that I'm missing a part of my brain and have eleven sisters? Yeah, that may be a tough but to swallow. Hopefully someone can handle a but like that. If not, then maybe I will take out that zebra girl. I just might have a chance with her.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location: McKay-Dee Hospital

What do you think?


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