Saturday, September 3, 2011

Life On The Road

Lying on a worn out leather couch on a Saturday afternoon wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a Buckeyes t-shirt, I think that I’ve finally gotten caught up with the whir and commotion that made up my life this past week. Gratefully I tip my hat to the season premier of college football to keep my sanity at a “normal” level. Lately I’ve tried to “catch up” on my sleep, but for some reason I was informed that doing so is physically and mentally impossible.

The Half-Empty Buffalo: “People always say that they need to ‘catch up’ on their sleep, but you just can’t do it!”

Swamp Thing: “You can’t? Why not?”

The Half-Empty Buffalo: “Because once the hours have gone by and you’ve let them pass while being awake, they’re just gone. Finito! You cannot have them back. To try and think that you’re going to somehow regain the hours of time by sleeping more just makes you a fool.”

Thank you Half-Empty Buffalo for ruining the glorious potential of my snoozes this weekend. You have just made me realize that all of the time I spend asleep will be in vain. That’s why I sure love ya buddy.

For full effect, download “Road Trippin’” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. The reason I selected that tune as the theme music for this post, is because the road is where I live my life these days. The road is my life.

Life on the road isn’t as delicate and simple as I thought it would be a year and a half ago. Don’t get me wrong, I L-word my job. I really do. There are just some unique aspects about life on the road that have me shaking my head in a semi-bewildered stupor at moments. Life on the road involves time, money, and energy that sometimes wear out a 26-year old single guy like me.

Life on the road is putting 993 miles on my Nissan Rogue in 3½ days alone. Life on the road is trying to explain what the concept of a “mall” is to a hometown hero in the small town communities of southeast Utah. Life on the road is wearing the same red shirt and khaki pants five days in a row. Life on the road is losing to my Grandma in a game of hand and foot on a Saturday night.

Life on the road is a giant pack of jumbo sunflower seeds that are revolving through my mouth at an alarming rate just so I won’t fall asleep at the wheel at 6:41 in the morning. Life on the road is belting out the verbatim lines to the song “We Didn’t Start The Fire” by Billy Joel 81 consecutive times to keep my eyes open from Nephi to my apartment. Life on the road is being able to drive from St. George to Layton blindfolded, and knowing exactly where all of the speed traps are. Life on the road is playing connect the dots with all of the bugs splattered across my windshield.

Life on the road is making a pit stop in Parowan to buy a large can of Pizza Pringles, two bottles of grape soda, and a bag of gummy worms as my unhealthy extremely late dinner. Life on the road is having my butt cheeks make a crevasse in the polyester fabric of my drivers seat. Life on the road is chiropractic adjustments to compensate for being in the seated position for six consecutive hours at times.

Life on the road is Best Western’s, Fairfield Inn’s, and Holiday Inn Expresses. Life on the road is tiny bottles of shampoo, and tiny bottles of conditioner, and even tinier packets of soap that I scrub up with every morning that cause me to imagine I am a giant standing in a hotel’s shower. Life on the road is alarm clocks that make the noise, “This is the front desk issuing you a 5:45 morning wakeup.” Life on the road is crashing in the backseat of my car because all of the hotels are booked in Price, UT caused by the local rock convention.

Life on the road is putting dating and any kind of relationship development on hold because I’ll only be able to see them on the weekends. Life on the road is paying rent for an apartment that I’m going to sleep seven nights in over the next three months. Life on the road is not being able to stay in contact with an ex-girlfriend because wireless networks won’t be developing in Duchesne, UT until 2019.

Life on the road is putting down a basketball from September to December, and looking like an uncoordinated third grader when I get a chance to lace up in the middle of winter. Life on the road is having a social life solely through Facebook and Reddit. Life on the road is quiet dinners by myself at backcountry diners that haven’t yet killed the cow for the spring hamburgers. Life on the road is deleting the words “diet” and “workout” from my memory bank for a couple of months. Life on the road is paying my crossfit dues, and never able to show up to the gym.

Yes, that’s my life, in a nutshell. A life where I give high school students the opportunity to pursue a higher education. A life giving 126 consecutive keynote presentations that put a smile on a student’s face. A life where I realize that I made a difference in someone’s life, and they in turn are going to make a life changing decision about where they’re going to go to school.

I sure do L-word life on the road.

What do you think?


  1. This is so funny! Brock, you are a great writer! You captured the UHST perfectly! The sad part about our jobs, at least for me, is that the Chevron clerk in Scipio recognizes me know when I stop by on my to or from Cedar.

  2. The only thing you might have forgotten is the amazing administration who facilitate our jobs...