Monday, September 26, 2011

The Week of Wyoming!

You know, I have gotten really into this "Week of _________" theme lately. I've got topics left and right to choose from, but I think that it has been pretty entertaining to jot down my thoughts from different angles on a whole slew of subjects. I know I just finished up the monthly topic for September, but I thought for the reader's preference that I would give you a condensed version of where my life is headed, at least for the next 108 hours.

This week's topic shall be the 44th great state of the union, and where I shall be spending my day job until late Friday afternoon. Yes that's right kids, I'm talking about the least populated state in the entire North American continent. This is a state who's state colors are brown and grey. The place that shall be known as Wy-OOOOOOOOOOOO-ming. (Say the letter O with the accent of a coyote).

For full effect throughout this entire W.O.W., download "Song of Wyoming" by John Denver from iTunes and play at maximum volume up until Friday evening. I think his last name should be changed to Cheyenne just for the sake of the song, but that's neither here nor there. This cliffnotes week shall be more of an hourly journal of some of the thing that I run into while I'm out here. Hopefully it will keep you entertained.

2:32 p.m.- Got my car packed, the gas filled up, grabbed my cowboy boots, HA! What am I thinking, I'm no Cowboy. Estimated time of arrival will be just under four hours. It's a good thing I'm doing this by Nissan Rogue, and not by horse like I should do to get the full experience. But I'll say this again, I'm no cowboy.

3:59 p.m.- I think this is the right direction. I've actually never been down this road before. For some reason, Captain Picard's voice is ringing in the my head saying the phrase "To boldly go where no one has ever gone before" Yes, I am a trekkie.

4:17 p.m.- So there have been 11 straight signs to my left that say "Slow Sheep Ahead" Now, I'm not going to gramatically correct a farmer's warning, but is he talking about that I need to slow down my car because of the sheep, or that there might be a really stupid sheep on the side of the road? Maybe it's a combination of both.

5:27 p.m.- Just passed through Smoot, population 100. They're pretty proud to advertise that. I think that there's a paved road somewhere around here...

6:31 p.m.- Welcome to Afton, WY in Star Valley. Home of the gold-medal winning Rulon Gardner. There's a billboard and a restaurant named after him here. A gent in a giant green tractor is in the passing lane next to me. I'm staying at the Lazy B Inn tonight. Nice name eh? There's a dog sitting on my front porch. I can't tell if he's the hotel manager or the town mayor. We'll see how this goes.

7:41 p.m.-It's some pretty country out here...WHOA WTF WAS THAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! A FOUR-POINT BUCK JUST LEAPED ACROSS THE ROAD 3 FEET IN FRONT OF MY CAR!! AND ON THE MAIN HIGHWAY OF ALL PLACES!! WHAT MAKES THAT FURRY JERK THINK THAT HE HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY?!?!

7:54 p.m.-After a few minutes of catching my breath from the near-death experience, I pull into "The Hayloft" or, Afton's most happening food joint. I'm greeted by a 14-year old wearing plaid pajama bottoms and dirty slippers who tells me to sit wherever I want. As I walk to a single booth in the back, I am given dirty scowls by the local farmers and their wives. I think it's the fact that they can see a cellular telephone in my hands. I'm such a new-age hippie to them.

8:19 p.m.- Alright, that steak made up for all of the negative feelings that mechanical John Deere's and actual John Deere's have thrown in my face so far in my stay. Home town cookin' goes a long way.

8:32 p.m.-Back to the Motel. I asked the adolescent server what is there for me to do in this town and she just started laughing with the reply of "Nothing." The fact that I have a six-inch television screen that's offering a total of three channels, I think I'm going to hit the sack early. We'll see what tomorrow has in store.

What do you think?

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