For full effect, download and listen at full volume Carly Simon's "You're So Vain". You probably think this post is about you anyway.
After a long weekend break I will ask you, the reader, a question that I have been puzzling over for the past 147 days or so. A question that will be the roots for my Masters Thesis defense this upcoming fall. A question that viral statistics managers have worried and contemplated about for the past few years.
Why do you read my blog?
Honestly though, and this is not an insult to your moral character or self-image. But why are you reading this? More importantly, why am I typing something for you to read? Is it because I am looking to fulfill an online journal of my life so that posterity (if I ever find any) will be able to look at who I am and say, "Such an interesting man our great-grandpa was. A man who wrote about Bad-breakups, Charles Schwab Commercials and Girl of Golds Rejections."
Nah, I don't think any one of those is a justifiable answer as to why I am sitting here typing these words at this very moment. You want to know why I blog?
I blog for you.
Not the way that you're thinking though. I am not blogging so that you will be able to have some type of comedic relief every day when you click on Randomity and find posts about the Naked Gadgets, or the meat market, or the bags of douche. I am not blogging to transform a rush of emotions triggered by heart-warming and courageous situations regarding people such as Jerry Sloan, my little sister or my Grandmother. Not to disrespect any one of those posts, but I am not blogging for them. I am not blogging so that you may have some type of gratification knowing that your influences as a teacher in my life have been succesful and you may see those manifestations as I jot away daily random thoughts.
I blog for me.
Again, not the way that it sounds. My blog is not a freelance haven where I can express my inner-most fears and fantasies. My blog is not an Interweb entaglement for me to relive memories of days and weeks writing newspaper editorials for kicks and giggles during my undergraduate studies. My blog is not an attempt at morphing into a Dr. Philian relationship evaluator as I post Week of Dating discussions. My blog is not a side job where I can make a few extra bucks week-to-week hoping to launch a new career in creative writing. No, none of these reasons are why I am sitting here typing away on a rustic grey keyboard covered in dust from the 1980's.
I blog for you to want me.
Don't act like you're not impressed (LTT). Or surprised. Or in disagreement. For those reading this post, and anyone who has a blog of their own, this is why we all blog. It is because you, and me, and all of us need that satisfaction of someone else caring about who we are as individuals. Someone else wanting to know about our lives. Someone else who comments about the difficulties of purchasing eyeglasses.
We blog for attention.
When I publish a post and then advertise the link via Facebook, I sit in my office and keep my broken fingers crossed that someone will click on the link and laugh to themselves at how witty and genuinely amusing my post was. I check the blog statistics every two hours wondering what time of day is the best to post my link, just so I will get the most readership out of it. I look at the most popular posts to date, and ask myself what are the most interesting subjects that my audience will be drawn to, so that my readership volume will only increase. Sad to say, 5 out of my top 10 posts overall were from the Week of Sex, but then again, we are all perverts and have dirty minds.
Am I wrong for thinking this? Am I taking something and putting a disturbingly selfish twist on it? I don't think so. Do I honestly care if someone is posting a play-by-play recount of their camping trip to Orderville and how much they love their hubby's? Am I going to spend longer than 3.4 seconds glancing at a page where someone has posted a personal review of their relationship development with a co-worker in Texas, and how eerily similar their relationship is to Ross and Rachel's? Will I sit and read unrhyming poetry and horrendous haiku's posted by someone with a background of a sunset-covered beach in the Pacific Islands to give the post a more dramatic feel to it?
No. I won't.
Because I want you to read MY blog. I want you to read about MY schizophrenic date mishaps, and MY tribute's to Mortal Kombat and MY finger surgeries. Heck, why do you think that I'm linking those pages to this post in the first place? And why do you think I will post the link to my blog twice on my facebook page. Even this blogpost, so that dedicated readers such as LTT will like it twice. (Thanks buddy by the way) Why do I change my Facebook status and update my page with new photos checking back to see who has commented or liked them? Why do I live in a digital world that is crushing my interpersonal skills, yet heightening my narcissism? Why do I do this? Because I am a vain, conceited bastard who loves the attention.
But then again, we all do.