Wednesday, June 8, 2011

We Live For Facebook

We live for attention. We live for recognition. We live for people liking, and commenting and following our lives via the Interweb. Heck, what do you think we have blogs for? The only reason I have Randomity is so people can digitally stalk my life. I love the attention! It is because of these reasons though, why we all live for Facebook. Therefore, inspired by one of Fishmitts' most recent and most brilliant blogposts, I thought I would keep the chain-blog letter rolling, and give you insight as to what creeps up onto my Facebook wall each day. Of course blogaliases will be added to protect people's identities.

As of June 7, 2011, at 11:40 AM, these are the following top news posts in the following order. Banter following the posts.

* Rocksteady alerted the world of his breakfast. Reeces for Breakfast! Along with a picture of a classic college students meal. Somewhere, my stomach is punching myself for drinking a protein shake this morning.

* Whojagger submitted that Hollywood Undead is one of the coolest bands out there. I'm sure they are Whojagger, but how come every trend these days MUST be related to something Zombie-ish?

* Homecoming Prototype lamented about someone posting a dating ad about her on Craigslist, accusing the creepers out there for their misdeeds. Deep down HP, every guy your age is a creeper.

* SBJ Cheercrush is wondering whether he should have a "birds and the bees" talk with his 3-year old son Chipper, after he tried to make out with his 10-year old babysitter. You might want to talk with him about chewing tobacco too. I hear most Major-leaguers named Chipper can't kick that one.

* Roger Winston Eddingbright the 3rd quoted Chief Kent by saying, "Dirk Nowitzki is like an Aryan God. When Hitler was trying to make the master race, that's what he was shooting for." Hmm...If all Aryan God's do is flop left and right and whine after every play, then Dirk's already been elevated.

* Icon Bay Neighbor recounted his checklist: Mountain bike, check. Helmet, check. Camelbak, check. Moab.......BIG FAT CHECK!!!! I think we all want to have a big fat check.

* Oboe Castro quoted Green Day with his line, "Another turning point, and a fork stuck in the road." There are always forks stuck in the road.

* Roger Winston Eddingbright the 3rd compared the restaurant Smash Brothers to a positive pregnancy test: depending on the situation it either makes people either really happy or really upset. Good analogy, but at this stage in my life, there is NO WAY I would feel happy after walking out of Smash Brothers.

* Half Empty Buffalo wrote "For some reason my spin instructor seems to believe that every song that she plays need to have a techno beat... "Who Let the Dogs Out" is terrible enough without adding a stripper beat to it..." For some reason Half-Empty Buffalo, I would never put the words spin instructor, techno, stripper, and who let the dogs out, in the same sentence.

* Future Sister Dirty Bird lamented about wanting to vomit after watching "Super Size Me" and that she'll never eat fast food "for the rest of my life." Oh Shutup, you will too. Now get me a Double Whopper with Cheese while you're out.

* Meredith Millville is sad, stating that it's a terrible thing to know what you want and to know you can't have it. For the record Meredith, I think Mick Jagger put it best when he sang, "You can't always get what you want."

* Leif the Twin Talkie wrote, "Driving home shirtless with windows open: enjoyable for me, terrifying for everyone else." LTT, I love your boobs. Even if they are bigger than my wife The Swede's.

* The Ogling Thunder posted a picture about Crown Burger with the phrase, "Still the World's Best Burger." I hear you on that Thunder, and at least when I'm done eating it I'll never feel pissed off.

* Benedict Marsh angrily posted "Why dont you knock your crap off? Contrary to what you think, what happens has nothing to do with your trashy ass. Just because you are lonely and have nobody does not mean you need to try and make everyone else that way. fourty year old pathetic woman. grow up and take care of your own life before you worry about someone else. Stop trying to kid yourself, lay off, go screw yourself." Are you mad at Facebook for being a forty year old pathetic woman, or what? Somewhat lost on this one buddy.

* Miss William Dixie praised AM/FM by saying, "If you are looking to advertise on the best radio stations in Southern Utah let me know!! Radio is the way to go." I think not Miss Dixie. Radio is on its way out.

* VRM Sly Shortie asked "Who wants to watch the Red Sox beat the Yankees with me?" No one. There's 161 other games to pay attention to this season anyway.

* Double K Crazy Hair advocated the Jerry Springer show, and advertised that whoever wanted to be on it, needed to call the 1-800 number below. It is posts like this one that make me realize how white-trash and ghetto my fellow RHS alumni can be.

* Unicorn Cooler asked, "What's on your mind?" Well, according to male gender statistics, sex every 7 seconds.

* VRM Spanish Traveller posted that he would be taking a week long Facebook fast. HA! I'm going to go ahead and call you on that one. We'll see you back on here in 72 hours at most!

What do you think?

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