Sunday, June 19, 2011

The End of the W.O.D.

Just to keep those informed on the dating escapades that have evolved between SMS Hitchhiker Bicep and Mollybakes, I have just been informed that he is asking her to go up to Dixie Rock tonight. For those of you not familiar with St. George, Dixie Rock is the traditional “make-out point”, a place where plenty of tonsil-hockey gets started via literal face-offs. And for Mollybakes to think that she’s is traveling up to Dixie Rock for a nice hike, well, her lips are going to be overwhelmingly surprised tonight.

But as the week of dating has come to an end, so have the updates regarding Mollybakes and SMS Hitchhiker Bicep. I will say this, it has been fascinating to witness firsthand accounts of awkward first dates, project potential boyfriends, and awkward kissing contests on porches between the two of them. Not that I was in the bushes with a video camera the last time he dropped her off. It has been humorous to see and discuss these events that have turned into blogposts.

To wrap the entire W.O.D. up, I will share two pieces of advice that I have gotten in my life in regards to decisions on who we date. The first of which was given by the great man VRMPK, another by a sweet Virginian lady who looks at me like a son. VRMPK told me that I need to be picky in deciding whom I will date, because these decisions will lead to decide whom I will marry. He gave me this advice on my last day wearing a black nametag and cheap polyester tie.

VRMPK: “Be picky in who you choose to date, Elder Swamp Thing. You date because you are looking for someone to marry, not just for kicks and giggles. And that final decision will be the most important choice you will ever make in your entire life.”

Elder Seizure Boy: “Yes sir. So does this mean that I can talk to girls again?”

Aside from the kicks and giggles that you get from reading this post, the point that I want to make is this. Be picky. Yes, there’s no such thing as the perfect person. We are all imperfect. But I’m going to be as picky as possible, knowing that this decision will hinge how the rest of my life is going to turn out.

Read this post with the background music to The Shawshank Redemption, as I am doing with AMC running the classic Stephen King novella. It is the dramatic violin chords combined with Morgan Freeman’s intoxicating baritone voice that will give this post a more dramatic effect.

I guess I write these words as a pre-cursor to what next month’s topic will be about, the infamous M-word. But then again, what the heck am I going to know about that topic? Similar to the Week of Sex, you’ll just get to see a single mutt’s point of view on the bonds of holy matrimony. Whatever the heck those are.

The second piece of advice I will mention was received last night from a sweet woman who shall be known as VRM Frank Mechanic. The sweet lady text messaged me the following:

VRM Frank Mechanic: “The only advice would be never settle for anything less than you deserve.”

That is so true. VRM Frank Mechanic completely thwarted any project tactics that exist in modern-day relationships with eight simple words that I will hold true as I continue my search for “the one”, wherever she may be.

And so, thus ends the Week of Dating. A week where multiple-personality stories have gotten me out of bad encounters. A week of firsthand manifestations between SMS Hitchhiker Bicep and Mollybakes. A week of “projects” and awkward kissing encounters, online faux pas and Gold’s Gym girl rejections. A week where I tried to give the best advice possible to finding someone out there. But then again, what do I know?

I’m still single.

What do you think?

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