The (Almost) Perfect Season

One of the biggest failures in organized sports history has just occurred. And I am furious about it!

Over the past few weeks, I have been playing in a very intense softball league on the fields of St. George. And oh has it been an amazing season. Almost.

The Naked Gadgets, as our team has been called, was going to go down in history as one of the most recognized, legendary, and illustrious squads to ever take the field. As Ned Nedrlander, one of the notorious Three Amigo’s said, “In-Famous is when you’re MORE than famous. El-Guapo, he’s not just famous, he’s In-Famous.” We were In-Famous. We were the El Guapo’s.

We were going to be the only unblemished team in the St. George City Recreational Softball league. By unblemished, I meant that there would be a big “0” on our record. We would be spotless.

But that was all ruined this past Monday night on an atrocity that absolutely infuriated me.

Leading by two runs in the bottom of the third inning, one of our elite players hit a 2-run bomb to give us an 11-7 lead. The moron behind the plate said that we had just hit our third homerun of the game, when in actuality we had only hit two. (For the record, a team is only allowed three homeruns per game. Any homerun after that counts as an out.)

Everyone knew that we had only hit two homeruns. We knew it. The opposing team knew it. MLB Commissioner Bud Selig knew it. My buddy Niels’ wife’s little sisters dog knew it. And yet the jerk behind the plate stood his prideful ground and told our team that we had hit three.

This enraged our team captain Jake Butler, whose temper gets flared up just by not having enough sprinkles on his cupcake, and he decided to take it out on the ump, letting him know how brainless his logic was and how feeble his counting skills were.

Jake getting thrown out was the breaking point that led to our utter and complete downfall, and ruined our ‘perfect’ season. After that, we could not do a thing to save our reputation. We started hitting balls, making outs, playing like an organized team. For a few moments that night, the Naked Gadgets actually looked like a rag-tag band of athletes for three innings. We took a 21-8 lead going into the 5th inning and things were looking terrible!

Now we had dealt with this problem before. We had accepted defeat when we had the smell of victory in our nostrils. We once had a ten-run lead and the team came back to beat us 18-17. But no, tonight was just not our night, as the opposing team grounded out for two outs, and then hit a pop fly to left field to end the game.

Sadly, our record was now, 1-11.

From that moment on, we were not the ‘defeated’ team. We were no longer perfect. We would never ever be In-Famous. I was saddened after having got the first win of the season. Our team’s glory was tarnished, and we could never again be achieved.
The Naked Gadgets would no longer be known as the El Guapo’s.

For some reason that last sentence can be misinterpreted as a Sex Toy.