The BAMF Biker

This story is long overdue, I just thought I would catch up and give you a quick laugh for the day. Paint this picture in your mind: The sun is setting last Wednesday night and I am jumping in my manly as possible Nissan Rogue, which J. Black Hairpiece has duly named the “Silver Bullet”. My Rogue tries to be as tough and intimidating as a Coors Light can that’s used to kill werewolves. I don’t think it got picked on at Nissan Elementary. My speakers...

Bent Objects

This has become one of my newest favorite artistic sites. Terry Border is a genius in creativity. I would strongly advise visiting Bent Objects for a few hours of simple laughter. ...

Baconalia!

Yes, I did just eat what is seen in the above picture. With the ingredients vanilla ice cream, maple syrup, and yes that's right, bacon. Now I have eaten some unique and/or nasty items. The Double Down from KFC. The 2-pound challenge from Fuddruckers. I will say that this wasn't as grotesque as it may look. Give it a try. You may want to add Rolaids as a chaser thou...

I Am Not Compassionate; Part II

I received an interesting response from a mission buddy last night in regards to yesterday's post, "I Am Not Compassionate". For the record, his blogalias shall be VRM Arch Deluxe. In his response he wrote:"Women have a completely different view of compassion than men do, and you didn't ask any of your male friends if they felt that you were truly the Hitlerite that women believed you to be. How about tomorrow you give us some insight from the...

I Am Not Compassionate

Two nights ago, slouching in a sadistic position playing cards across from my Grandmother, I was accused of something that I never thought I was guilty of. Envision if you may the beautiful soulless creature being demolished by her Grandson at Pinochle. I don't know if it was the frustrated 4,000-point defeat talking, or if it was her Grandmotherly wisdom, but here is the cattle prodding that she gave me. Grandma: "You know something Brock?" Me:...

The Rapture

You're still here right? Right? At least I know I am. And since my Grandpa, who has his picture in the dictionary next to Ghandi and the Apostle Paul, is still in his back room watching Matlock and Perry Mason re-runs from his La-Z-Boy, then I guess that "The Rapture" never happened. Frustrating right? I will admit, I was a little disappointed after I had sold my Nissan Rogue, given all my possessions away to charity, euthanized my pet goldfish...

The 26-Year Old Virgin

Whew! It's finally over. I and all 32 of my readers can finally stop thinking about sex! I'll pose the same question as I have in the past, and what I'm told you're supposed to say once you get out of the hot tub; was it as good for you as it was for me? I hope so. I'll try to keep you as entertained as possible in the future. Interesting point to consider regarding the week of sex. Don't think that I wrote the past 7 blogs because I'm...

Sex for Old People

Have you been taken up in the rapture just yet? I haven't. I guess my blog this week alone kept me from being saved. So I sit here in a run-down Greek bar in Ogden (yuck!) with two dear family members; Aunt Soup Widow, and her daughter the Hairy Trojan. Nice blogalias's eh? It's the Soup Widow's work party and rather than get lost in the inside jokes of EMT response calls, I will jump to my digital haven known as blogging. You would do the same thing if you had to sit with four-eyed curse word with a middle part rambling on about his red-headed...

Odd-Shaped Sex Parts

T.G.I.F. Aren't we all in agreement on that? Are you sexed out yet from reading this blog? I am almost out of juice. Please, no giggity... Let me paint a dirty picture for you. Jump back 12 years to the summer of 1999. I was a young lad, a 14-year old pre-pubescent sophomore football player getting beat up on the practice field of Ernest F. Durbano stadium in triple digit temperatures. Those were long days of sweat, 15 lbs of pads, concussions,...

Getting Married for Sex

Last night I was confronted by a group with an awkward question from a fellow associate. For this post, I shall give her the blogalias of Smooth Girl Scout Cookie, even though I doubt she reads my blog. She fronted me with a question regarding my faith and my desire to wed, in which she asked, "How antsy were you to get married right after you got off of your LDS mission?" For those who aren't LDS, a mission is a time period of two years in...

Sex Messaging

Disclaimer: this post is littered with dirty words and phrases. For the sake of the reader I would like to let you know that if you feel uncomfortable seeing any words associated with sex, it would be best to stop reading. If not, then enjoy. This world is addicted to text messaging. They are also addicted to sex. Why not combine both of them to write one of the most monumental posts in the history of weblogs? Alright, don't mind if I do. First of all, I would just like to take a moment to address the awkwardness of sex words. Honestly, whoever...

Ashley Madison.com

So how is this "Week of Sex" treating you? Is it as good for you as it is for me? That is a question that you ask the other person once you get out of the hot tub isn't it? At least I think that's what they say in the movies. As I was sifting through the topics for Day 3 of "Week of Sex" I came across a website that has absolutely stunned me. You may in fact have heard of this website if you are married and have looked online for a way...

Better Than Sex Cake

After reading the title and staring at the delectable goodness above tell me that your mouth isn't watering at the one dessert that you're craving this very moment. And no, I did not mean anything dirty in that last line. Better than sex cake is something that we've all come to love and appreciate following a heavy potluck. The chocolate cake, mixed with caramel, topped with whipped cream and sprinkled with bits of toffee. Yes that is a...

The Sex Lunch

The title of this blog sounds like a porno. With that being said, I shall pose the same question that I asked a few weeks ago regarding the title of this post; how many of you clicked on this link from Facebook simply because you saw the word "Sex" in the title? Come on, admit it. I certainly would have. Now that you are all blushing in shame at the double-click misdeed, I will continue on in my discourse. As stated last month, I have a...

Mortal Kombat!

At 1:27 in the morning, I was being sucked into my soft couches being pulled into a semi-comatose Mormon hangover induced by Tylenol PM and 5 hours of sleep. Flipping through the fuzzy HD channels, I came across one of the greatest films ever to be adapted from the video game industry; Mortal Kombat. No question, I can quote the entire film from start to finish. I'm sure you can too LTT. From the opening scene where Shang Tsung defeats Liu Kang's...

American Idol?

So while I sit here roasting my Grandma at Canasta, (and yes that is the highlight of my trip to Ogden) she asks if she can change the television in the background to "American Idol". "Do you watch 'American Idol'?" she asks. What?! Are you kidding me? I may watch re-runs of Glee and shop at Roberts Arts & Crafts but there is no way I would be caught dead watching that primetime blah that is wasting away hundreds of hours of pathetic Americans...

B.F.E. Ville Conversations

Alright, I am back to nothingness. I am sitting in the middle of oblivion. I have front row seats to a blank screen and I'm clawing at the armrests to get out of this joint. That's right. I am back in B.F.E.Ville. There is NOTHING to do here! Nothing at all. And yet, people love it here. Let me tell you what conversations I have been exposed to in the last 78 minutes and counting. I must be curteous and respectful to the people that I come in contact with in places such as this. However, when the mix of their dialogue includes discussion about...

Words With Friends Part II

Forgive me for rubbing it in, but I temporarily need to feast upon this glorious Words With Friends victory. I heart Jflounder a.k.a. Jeremiah Rawson, but this 99 point score, was the highlight of my d...

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

Whew! After a 22 page final paper, and the completion of the A to Z challenge, I will admit that I have been a bit wiped out this week. To the whopping 30 people that tune in to this blog on a regular basis, forgive me for lacking on my writing skills this week. I have much needed that 6-day break. However, I will stay consistent to your needs and continue to work on putting a smile on your face every once in a while. With that being said,...