Thursday, May 19, 2011

Getting Married for Sex

Last night I was confronted by a group with an awkward question from a fellow associate. For this post, I shall give her the blogalias of Smooth Girl Scout Cookie, even though I doubt she reads my blog. She fronted me with a question regarding my faith and my desire to wed, in which she asked, "How antsy were you to get married right after you got off of your LDS mission?" For those who aren't LDS, a mission is a time period of two years in which young men, just reaching their sexual prime go and preach the gospel. They cannot touch, speak, listen to, smell, or even think about a member of the opposite sex for fear that it will distract them from their assigned tasks.

My reply to Smooth Girl Scout Cookie; "For the first 9 months after I got home I wanted to get married so bad. In hindsight it wasn't because I wanted a companion in life, but because I wanted to have sex. That's how the majority of returned missionaries think."

This immediately broke up the group conversation as they looked at me shocked and horrified, but deep down they knew I was right, and deep down their darkest thoughts confirmed that I was speaking the truth.

Somewhat embarrassed for ruining a discussion I walked away, but bashfully a couple of the conversation participants came over and acknowledged that what I was saying was as true as George Washington's admittance to the chopping of the cherry tree. Guys are horny, and at 21 years old they have one thing on their mind. How will they legally be able to "jump a girls bones" without having to pay the penalty for it? Oh that's easy, just get married!

This is an epidemic that from a personal perspective I think is infecting people's judgment and thought process. Many in our "Mormon Culture" get married for the wrong reasons. I understand that I'm no Dr. Phil a.k.a. glorious relationship evaluator of the universe as my Grandma calls him, however I have witnessed and still see on a constant basis, people getting married for the wrong reasons. The number one reason being that they want to doink. Which I might add, is my favorite slang word for the act of sexual intercourse. Say it out loud and it grows on you.

It is a travesty in my opinion that is littering divorce courts left and right. Guys getting off their mission, wearing goggles, (for the record, goggles are subconscious lenses that are placed over a guys eyes in which the appeal of a woman is greater than she actually is worth. This is caused by avoidance of women for 720 straight days), dating a girl for 3 weeks, thinking that she is "the one", dropping to one knee, saying "I do", dropping their pants, then hating life. It is a constant cycle because our culture pushes us, urges us, mentally abuses us to find an eternal companion. And if we don't do it by the time that we're 25, we are then menaces to society. (Which I am)

Again, I am no Dr. Phil, but isn't their more to a marriage then doing the dirty? Shouldn't my wife be worth more to me than a good humping session? And what if our sex life sucks? (Which I hope it doesn't) What then? Do I jump ship like 50% of the other couples are doing? That is the curse that is haunting us now more than the Christmas Ghosts haunted Ebeneezer Scrooge. I can give you a list off the top of my head of 10 people I know who proposed after 3 weeks and who are now going through massive marital stress because of the sexual difficulties they are facing when they realized that between the sheets wasn't as cracked up to be as they thought, and was the wrong reason to make lifetime ties. They are now getting out of the hot tub, and wanting to get out of much much more.

We need to stop getting hitched so we can hump like rabbits. Quit making promises and covenants so we can hit the hanky panky. Stop making life-long and eternal decisions just because we can't stop from spilling our own seed. From the feedback that I've been receiving from the readers sex is a great thing. A glorious thing. But it should not be the sole reason that we tie the knot. We need to start using our minds. As Tom Hanks said, That's the lump that's three feet above our a**. LTT

Some of the best advice that I have ever received was from my high school football coach Guy Andersen in which he said, "In life you need to think with your head, not with your head." I just hope I'm using the right one.

What do you think?

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