Monday, May 23, 2011

The Rapture

You're still here right? Right? At least I know I am. And since my Grandpa, who has his picture in the dictionary next to Ghandi and the Apostle Paul, is still in his back room watching Matlock and Perry Mason re-runs from his La-Z-Boy, then I guess that "The Rapture" never happened.

Frustrating right? I will admit, I was a little disappointed after I had sold my Nissan Rogue, given all my possessions away to charity, euthanized my pet goldfish Sally, deleted all the saved episodes of 'Glee' from my DVR, and sat in a Motel 6 with my Bible opened up facing the heavens waiting to be raptured. Boy was I let down with a ton of bricks.

Around 3:58 MST I was getting antsy. A little too antsy. Maybe I thought that God would be the first one to arrive at the party. When it clicked to 4:00 and nothing happened that's when my hopes and dreams started to crash and burn. Once the hands on my watch clicked to 4:02, I was feeling disheartened, saddened. Was my blog of sex really the reason I was left behind? I waited out until 4:15, hoping and praying that maybe God would take me up on Mormon Standard Time, but to no avail I was left in a cheap motel 6, let down like the other 6 billion people who thought that this day was going to arrive.

Ok, I will admit I wasn't in a dirty motel waiting to be taken up into heaven Saturday afternoon, if you recall, I was sitting with The Hairy Trojan in a grungy Greek bar listening to odd ducks spout off on 'The Vampire Diaries'. I don't know which was worse, that or not being Raptured.

I am slightly amused at all of the fuss that is going into this. A self-proclaimed 88-year old prophet on an AM radio station prophesying the end of the world. That's almost as entertaining as watching Kirstie Alley on Dancing With the Stars. (Insert sarcasm here). Why do people get caught up in ludicrous foresights into the future evolution of mankind's existence? Why can't they just live in the moment, and try to do their best every day regardless? Are they listening to Europe play 'The Final Countdown' as background music?

Harold Camping has now adjusted his time clock for when the world will end. Saying he was "flabbergasted" with The Rapture not happening this past weekend, he stated that he was 5 months off on his calculations, and that it will actually happen on October 21. Whew! That makes me feel so much better! I guess I'll go call the Motel 6 again and make reservations for The Rapture; Part Deux!

What do you think?


  1. still here, thanks for the cheer!

  2. Well according to what's his face, it's going to happen in October now. I'm hoping I survive this one, too. Or is it that we're all in heaven? Either way, I'm glad we've made it somewhere!