Thursday, August 25, 2011


Almost there.

For full effect, download “Thursday’s Child” by David Bowie and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

Or, if you’re tired of listening to humdrum music that has a chorus focused on a day of the week, then perhaps try out “Rhinestone Cowboy” by Glen Campbell. In honor of the noble Rhinestone Cowboy himself, or as he is also known as B.E.P. Longhorn. Man, this guy looks good in green. You can hear this fine tune by clicking the following link.

On to the weekly topic about today that we’re all sitting through right now. Thursday is something that would be defined as a Drone’s Day. The monotony, the repetitive routine of everyone showing up with looks on their faces like, ‘I just can’t wait till this week will be over.’ Or ‘One more day, that’s all, I can make it.’

Thursday is the day in which you are just about committed to a serious relationship. You have gotten past the hand-holding, the awkward doorstep scenes, the meet the folks, and are just about ready to update your Facebook relationship status. But not just yet. Almost as if you are saying, ‘Hi honey, I know it’s been a long week, my homework is stacking up, I ran out of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and I have a Math test tomorrow as soon as the sun comes up, but for you, and only you am I going to walk into this gym and give it my all. That’s how much you mean to me.’ Ok, that’s how gym rats look at it, but then again, we are not all rats of the gym.

Homer J: “Gym, what’s a gym? Oh…A gym.”

Thursday is, it is, blah? Yeah, that seems to fit the day’s image very well. In fact, if you discuss this matter with Webster himself, there is actually a picture of blah right underneath the boldly Times New Roman 18-point font stamped word Thursday. Yes, that is a fact. Don’t doubt me.

The Thursday inside all of us makes us want to be freed from the chains of computer screen bondage that we are indentured to from a 9-5 daily period. We want to give our best effort, even if that means that we twitter and browse Reddit for 4 hours, but hey, at least our bosses know that we’re working as hard as we can right?

Thursday is so blah that I’m staring at a black and white screen trying to figure out what will fill up the next paragraph. My mind is that blank.

“Thursday is frustrating because it’s so complicated to abbreviate.” Said the Rhinestone Cowboy. “Think about it, all the rest of the days have three letter abbreviations. Mon, Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun, but then Thursday, you can’t just say, Thu, or Thr, it makes no sense.”

He has a very valid point here, Thursday is just a mass of frustration from a literary standpoint as it’s the one day that doesn’t fit in with the rest of them.

Sesame Street Chorus: “One of these days is not like the other ones, not like the other ones, not like the other ones!”

In fact the name Thursday, is like a knock-off of Tuesday. Almost as if the creators of calendars ran out of ideas as to what to name it.

Thermopoles: “What do we call this day that follows Wednesday and previews Friday, each of the other days have a different letter to start with, and we only have five consonants?!”

Agamemmnon: “I don’t know, just scramble that other thing we made up, Tuesday, add a a letter or two and let’s call it a day. I’m meeting up with Apollo for some ambrosia at 7.”

Thus we were given the day that doesn’t matter. The most un-unique day that there is in the week. The day that blah’s away from 12:01 to 11:59 on a seven-slot cycle. If all of the other days can be compared to Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Twins, then Thursday is the leftover runt known as Danny Devito.

And so it continues on. As we count down the seconds on our analog watches and upvote the posts we surf through on reddit, Thursday is the day in which we are almost there. Almost checked out of responsibility, almost packed up for a road trip to Cali, almost splurging on a french toast buffet at 9 in the morning.

Almost there.

What do you think?


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