Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Wasting my life away

Now that the Week of Social Media has come to an end, I will go back to the normally assigned randomly cynical topics that I usually delve into every other day. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled reading.

All 36 of you.

In honor of my Grandpa, I have been trying to be more positive, more uplifting. But I don't think that is possible at all for what I am currently enduring.

I am currently sitting next to B.E.P. Longhorn at a very, how do you put it... waste of a three-day conference? Yeah, that seems to describe this feeble attempt at a team-building 72-hour exercise that I have been strapped into for work purposes. Michael Scott is off in the corner rejoicing at how motivating this retreat is.

I will give you a little background of my profession at this point. I work as a traveling salesman, in essence, a salesman who looks to help students pursue an education higher than just wrapping up their high school diploma and throwing in the white towel. That's a satisfactory description of my job. And today, all of the sales representatives across the entire state have gathered together to organize our schedules and see how we can improve.

Now don't get me wrong, I like my job. No, let me rephrase that, I L-word my job! Every single thing about it. I believe in my product. I L-word my boss, my co-workers, my supervisors, anything and everything about what I do. However, I despise walking around the room with 80 other people and having a smiling contest with another sales rep with the mindset that this will improve my interpersonal communication as a salesman.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Yes that's right kids, this "business conference" is doing absolutely NOTHING to help me improve as a salesman. So far we have listened to a Screenwriting major teach us the secrets of doing "improvisation". Wait, what? I didn't know that the secret to my job is landing a spot on "Who's Line is it Anyway."

It's not.

What else have we been doing you may ask? Well, we have played a game called "pass the clap" where we stood in a giant circle and clapped one with another. We have walked around for 5 minutes pointing at random objects and naming them. i.e. "Carpet! Lightbulb! Chair! Mirror! Douchebag!" We have sang a childhood quirky song about Grandma and Grandpa sharks. We have been playing an imitation of the hit game show "Minute To Win It." For crying out loud, they might as well have us sit around and rub fingers with each other calling it a pinky dance. Oh wait, that's right. We did that last year.

Sorry for the break, I had to stand up and do the hokey pokey in the middle of the last presentation. True story.

"I think I could skip everything in this entire conference, and still do a better job than everyone else in here." says B.E.P. Longhorn. He says this meanwhile we are watching a power point presentation with Miss South Carolina totally flopping on an interview question. Why are we watching this YouTube clip? I have no idea.

You may ask what I have been doing amidst all of the stupidity that is rolling along to keep my sanity. Oh sending emails, answering work-related questions, adjusting my sales presentation, being as productive as possible while the rest of the representatives go through an initiatory fire-walking ritual with a Native American drum beating. I might as well have been watching "The Bachelorette" instead! Props to you J.P.

"If the director of the conference is sporting tie-dye t-shirt you know this is a load of s***." says J. Black Hairpiece.

You're absolutely right. Now I've gotta run and participate in a group relaxation technique. Because that's really gonna help me do my job better.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location: In a canyon. Far, far away.

What do you think?


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