Saturday, August 6, 2011

Crawdiddling








Here I sit beside a campfire as my compadres and I revel in Mother Nature's arena. Yes my friends, that's right. I am an outdoors fella enjoying the great outdoors. Minus John Candy and Dan Akroyd.

Amidst the surrounding serenity a disturbing event has just happened. An event that will make PETA activists campaign heavily against if they ever catch wind of this blogpost. I hope that this won't put a twist in any of your panties. Please forgive me if it does.

Rock Steady and Whojagger have just walked up with a silver pot in hand, and grins from ear to ear.

"You won't believe what we just caught." Rock Steady hollers over.

"A case of Gonnosyphaherpecrabs?" Chief Kent smirks.

"Well yeah, but along with that, take a look at these!" Whojagger replies.

Setting the pot on the table, we look inside and see some of the most disgustingly beautiful creatures that own the bottom of Baker Reservoir. These little varmints I'm referring to are crawdads. Some of the meanest 6-inch long creatures that have claws attached to them.

"And we're gonna boil these suckers for dinner." Rock Steady proclaims. Somewhere, Sarah McClaughlin is tossing and turning in her goose feather stuffed mattress.

Call us disturbed, call us cruel, call us hungry, whatever. These suckers would be dinner. Filling up the pot with fresh water, we tossed them on to the fire waiting for the H2O to heat up and end their lives.

Is that disturbing? Is it ethically incorrect? Whatever it is, we all stood around the fire and watched them scuffle as their metal home turned from a jacuzzi to a cauldron in under 5 minutes.

"I feel that this would be a good Disney movie.". Chief Kent proclaimed. "Doesn't this seem like the butcher serenading as he's about to toss Sebastian into the cooker?" And from that point on we all started singing in unison a handful of our cartoon heroes musical numbers.

They fought, they scuffled, they panicked as they saw the light at the end of the tunnel, and we all sat there and watched.

"What if we grab one of them, and just toss him into the lake." I suggested. "It would be like a life changing moment for him and he would start parading all over Baker Reservoir about his near-death experience."

"Either that or he'll be traumatized for life." Whojagger commented.

"Look at that one." Chief Kent said. "He's like, staring at me. Almost like he wants me to save him from his impending death." Chief Kent will probably have that little buggers face engraved into his subconscious for the next five years.

As the last bubbles of life were being popped from their Crustacean bodies, we all removed our hats for a moment of silence. Rock Steady began quoting a Latin funeral service. I began whistling "Taps". And in one fowl swoop we all began singing "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas. Hey, at least we gave them an honorable discharge as they were being prepped for a full course meal.

"What if they turn into zombies?" Chief Kent asked.

Well they were the best tasting zombie crawdads that we've ever met. Zombie Crawdads that will haunt us in our sleep once the fire dies down tonight.

Man I love camping.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location: Baker Reservoir

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