Friday, August 5, 2011

The Miss Piggy

A wise figure in my life commented to me this past week that I should try and be more positive in my writings, in my blogposts. He is right I must admit. At times I am a cynical punk with Ebenezer Scrooge-like characteristics; pre-Jacob Marley hallucination, mind you.

“Really Brock, you’re an ornery bugger with a 36-year old mid-life crisis head on your shoulders who has to vent about anything you can.” Chief Kent said to me last week as we discussed failed dating attempts. Hey, I take offense to that. I only have 98.4 percent of a head on my shoulders, and my mid-life crisis was 8 years ago. So take that!

Taking those two wise comments into consideration, I will attempt at being more positive and more amusingly uplifting in future posts. There will more than likely be random rantings about feeble forced attempts at motivational conferences that are as productive as counting the hairs on the back of an albino gerbil. But with that being said, I will try and turn my frown upside down in future posts.

For full effect, download and play at full volume, “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves. Either that or “MmmBop” by Hanson. Those two choruses rank one and two on some random happy song poll via the Interweb.

On a side note, B.E.P. Longhorn has requested a second blogalias. From this point forward he shall be known as The Rhinestone Cowboy. For some reason he and J. Black Hairpiece/Keith Tronic are trying to expand their blogalias selection to more than just one identity.

The Rhinestone Cowboy however does in fact play a part in today’s post. For that nickname was coined during the business retreat that was mentioned earlier. That nickname was coined as we sat down at a hometown café and dined on some ghettofabulous grub, and yes I did just use the word ghettofabulous. That nickname was coined while I fell in L-word with the most divine creation ever to tickle the tenders of my taste buds. A creation that the Earl of Sandwich would be tipping his cap to in great respect.

My friends, I am talking about Miss Piggy. The greatest mix of mutton to be slapped between two slices of bread. The best sandwich I think I have ever eaten in my life.


Close your eyes and envision this supreme treat while I attempt to describe to you its goodness. For even further effect, pause the Hanson brothers Mmmmbopping and begin playing Canon in D at full volume.

The Miss Piggy is a creation all in itself that makes Kermit’s mouth begin to water from the very get go. Invented at Heber’s Spin Café, it could be emblazoned in gold for all eternity. At first it appears to be your ordinary grilled cheese sandwich. But don’t let looks deceive you. American, Cheddar, and Provolone Cheese are combined for this succulent satisfier on lightly toasted sourdough bread. The main topping is the mustard soaked-pulled pork; a hearty dishing that satisfies any of the raging cravings for a slab of meat. Add my own secret ingredient, three thick slices of smoked ham, and my friends you have now been given access to the greatest thing that could ever be concocted from a backhouse kitchen.

“The Miss Piggy is something that words cannot describe of its goodness. This is a sandwich that fell from Mount Olympus to dwell with us as peasants, only so that we could have a sliver of a glimpse of what immortality can taste like.” Said The Mrs. Dixie Bo Jackson. And yes, that is your new blogalias.

Honestly, it had to be one of the most delectable, most delicious, most OMGWTF-just-happened-in-the-last-15 minutes-I-think-I-need-to-towel-off kind of enjoyments that I have ever been privileged to partake of. It was so good I had it twice in 24 hours. The waitress JoJo asked me if I wanted a frequent diner card at the Spin Café. For a split second I did take into consideration the cost of commute, lodging, and other travel expenses just so I could eat this on a daily basis.

This meal was one of the finer things in life that I have ever been blessed with. It ranks up there with the Razzdango at creations that I will revel in telling my posterity about in years to come. I will admit that I did shed a tear as I pulled out of Heber, not knowing when I would be able to see my sweet Miss Piggy again.

One day I will. One day. Until then, she will only be the girl of my dreams.

What do you think?


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