Wednesday, March 16, 2011

In the middle of B.F.E.-ville.

Day two of my journey to the center of inbred families and back. I am to the point of losing any micron of sanity out here in B.F.E. In the 17 hours that I've been here, I have experienced the following:

* I was turned away from the Holiday Inn Express at 11:30 at night. I was told all of the rooms are full because of a town "rock convention". No lie!

* I am currently watching a table of seven people impersonating "The Breakfast Club" with one leaning down the table and saying, "I have a knock-knock joke but you have to start it." The funny part is, she doesn't know how to respond when the proposed victim actually says, "knock-knock".

* If you have been familiar with previous posts in hick country you will understand my confusion with painted rocks as the schools mascot. There is a giant boulder with a baseball painted on it advertising for a local spirit event.

I think in this town, paper hasn't been invented yet.

* A 91-year old great great grandpa with coke bottle glasses is driving a Datsun pickup that was made the year he was born. Datsun? Come on now!

I think fashion, style, technology, and outright development halted here in 1993. I say this because of a Bette Middler song playing in the background while a mullet-haired chimp waltzes around in socks and Teva sandles. They are not going for a 'retro' look here, this is state of the art fashion. This is brand new to them. They are hip. Why can't they just pop collars here? Why can't they wear pink shirts and tuck the front of their t-shirts into their huge belt buckles? I would almost prefer douchebags in my presence rather than the numbnuts around me who are just figuring out what pog's are.

What do you think?


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