Should David Archuleta serve an LDS mission?
Wait…sorry about that, Mormon media has been in a frenzy since the second-place idol aired his Lebron-esque “Decision” following the Christmas Fireside. TMZ might as well be having a banquet over that.
In other news a real-life ethical catch-22 was brought before me this afternoon that I, and others, would kill to have your feedback about. And it was all given to me by he who is known by the infamous blogalias, Keith Tronic. That’s right kids, please don’t hold your applause for this man.
If you’ve read some posts in the past, you may already have heard of Keith Tronic. But for those who are just luckily stumbling upon it today, let me describe this fine young specimen to you in one sentence. Keith Tronic is a half-empty, leather couch-purchasing, real estate selling, Espanol-hablaing, Costco-shopping, Beryl barnyard-buying, business-majoring, bedtime story-reading specimen who any one of us would be lucky enough to know.
Keith Tronic also just had the craziest day of his life.
For full effect, download “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.
That is correct, Keith Tronic is in the midst of one of the biggest moral dilemmas ever created since that one smart King in the Bible was asked to saw a baby in half for a couple of prostitutes.
This past week, Keith Tronic was just leaving a very generic bank late in the evening after conducting some of his business. As he was pulling out of the parking lot, he noticed an envelope on the ground before him. With his curiosity sparked, Keith went over and retrieved the mysterious item and lo and behold, it held something so astoundingly breathtaking it would make Bear Gryls faint.
In the envelope was an orphaned child!
Kidding! Just thought I would throw a curveball at you to see if you were still reading. Actually in the envelope were a few notes that had monetary value. Quite a few notes I may add. In the envelope was somewhere around $2000! BUM-BAH-BUM! (Say in a resounding voice for full sound effect)
On a side note, why do we pronounce envelope the way that we do? Shouldn’t we sound the entire thing out? Take the name Penelope. It’s spelled the same way, but her name isn’t pronounced Pen-Elope. It’s like there’s a double standard. For the rest of this post, I would like you to pronounce the word, En-Vel-O-Pee. It makes this post that much more comedic.
Back to live action. What should Keith Tronic do? What would you have done? That next morning, Keith Tronic called the bank and asked if there had been a loss of funds, or if any one had complained about losing a couple grand. No one claimed the glory. But then again, what kind of person just walks around with $2000 in cash? If you ask me, I’d say either a drug addict, or either of those biblical hookers I mentioned a few paragraphs back. Either way, not the best group of people you want to spend time with.
And so, as this dynamic week of ethics has come to a close, with many hypothetical and realistic situations being brought to light, I will ask you my readers a question, similar to the arousal that I’ve been posting at the end of the last six blogposts. You can be the judge in this situation and give Keith Tronic the best solution for his predicament. Should he donate the money to a local homeless shelter? Should he go put the envelope back down in the parking lot for someone else to deal with? Should he go and splurge on some massive Christmas shopping? You tell me oh faithful readers:
What should Keith Tronic do?