Friday, December 23, 2011

Girls on Board(s)

Can I just make a statement to the blogging community that I am boldly proclaiming as just less than law, and something that I want all of you to recognize and tell others around you about?

Chicks who ride snowboards are HOT!

There, I got it out in the open. I confess, my one weakness aside from a co-ed in a Buckeyes bikini, is a girl who dons a beefy overcoat, big boots, and a Burton board to her feet and rushes down a snow-covered mountain at 20+ miles an hour. Can I get a witness from the congregation that these lasses should be on the cover of Sports Illustrated Snowsuit Edition?

Rock Steady: “Amen, my brother.”

Amen indeed.

Wait, let me back up for just one second, to talk about the culture of snowboarders in general. Today I had the privilege of spending some great quality time with a handful of friends on the slopes of Brighton ski resort. And during our lifts from the base to the top, we had some intriguing discussions, one of which involved the culture that exists among skiers and boarders.

Whojagger: “You see, I like skiers because they’re just a little bit more classier than your average person. They’re not trash. They just seem kinda better than those around them.”

Swamp Thing: “Wait, so because you’ve got skis on, and I’m wearing a board, that means that you’re better than me?”

Whojagger: “Yes. Yes it does.”

I do agree with Whojagger, there is a culture about snowboarders that makes them look like a literal bag of douche. Prima douche’ as it’s pronounced in French. The douchebag snowboarder has his cliché long, grown out Emo hair, his Skullcandy headphones blaring into his ten brain cell-occupied head, his Burton-laced everything, and his array of piercings and or tattoo’s. Heck, this tool could probably be boarding down the hill with a popped collar and his shirt tucked in right at the belt buckle and he would fit in at the regular douchebag festival easily.

Yes my friends that, is your classic bag of douche. Luckily, I don’t think I fit that stereotype. I’m more of your average pissed off jerk, but that’s neither here nor there.

Now, if we’re going to stereotype guys who snowboard, I guess that there’s a stereotype out there for girls who snowboard as well. Which brings me back to my opening statement of true doctrine; Chicks who ride snowboards are HOT! Yeah, that’s the best stereotype that there is. And it’s the honest truth.

I don’t know what it is about a girl on a board that just gives me what they call “the twitterpation effect”, because it melts me faster than a Reese’s Cup in July whenever I pass a girl on the slopes carving out her own madness with a blonde ponytail sticking out the top of her coat.

And so, to the future Mrs. Bybee, wherever the heck you may be, I ask you one favor. Please, oh please be a chick on a snowboard.

What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. You never know it could be a man on a snow board