Friday, December 16, 2011

The Tall-Tale of Tosh.0

For today’s week of ethics debacle, I take you back to a random time period when another random person faced a semi-controversial confrontation in his life. Please, hold your applause until the end while I introduce the following characters for you. Again, these are both fictional creations acting out fictional situations. None of them are real.

Meathead McClure: This young gent has been involved in a relationship for just under a year with a sweet miss, and is addicted to two things in his life, basketball and crude comedy. When the movie “Basketball” came out, McClure thought he had just died and gone to Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s heaven.

Fanny Ferzan: Meathead McClure’s counterpart, Fanny is a rough and tumble girl who doesn’t let anything get in her way. She, in fact wears the pants in the relationship, (as most girls do) and decides how high Meathead McClure jumps when she tells him to. Also, she is unwilling to pass gas in front of him.

It’s a cold winter night, and Meathead McClure has just finished playing in one of his generic city league basketball games. Walking over to Fanny’s house, the two of them converse, and talk, and do a bunch of other things that are involved in a superficial, B.S. relationship. Heck, they probably even C-worded while watching something like “Love, Actually” or “The Notebook”, which goes to show that women always have the power.

As the night trickles by, Meathead McClure looks at his watch and realizes how late it’s getting. It’s almost 10:15! Not an alarming time by any means, however, the newest episode of Tosh.0 will start in 45 minutes, and Meathead McClure hasn’t missed that great show since Comedy Central starting airing it. He would watch it there, but Fanny doesn’t have cable, what will he do?!

While Channing Tatum, or Ryan Gosling, or whoever it is with great abs is romancing a shallow chick, Meathead McClure pulls one of the greatest moves in the history of artificial actions. He begins…wait for it… to fall asleep.

Cue yawning, head-bobbing, and rapid blinking of eyes, in such a dramatic fashion that Fanny Ferzan is forced to look over at him in the middle of her chick-flick and see what all of the forty winks festivities are all about. By 10:20, Meathead McClure has replicated a complete R.E.M. cycle with the snoozing being added for full effect. The kid is falsely dozed off. This causes a motherly reaction from Fanny.

Fanny Ferzan: “You tired baby?”

Meathead McClure: Confusedly sputtering out his words “What? Sorry, did I uh…fall asleep there?”

Fanny Ferzan: “Yeah, sweetie. You must have had a long day. Do you want me to let you go home?”
It is in this moment when Fannie Ferzan is throwing a two-seam fastball of deceptive relationships right down the middle of the plate. Meathead’s response must be so eloquently worded that it will get him what he wants. If not, he’s going to have to sit through Ryan Gosling dancing with an 87-year old woman with amnesia. You’ve all seen “The Notebook” haven’t you?

Meathead McClure: “No, that’s ok…” Cue elongated blink of eyes “I’ll just…” elevated yawning motion “Stay here and finish the movie…” Cut to dropping of his head onto his chest re-enacting another nap. He’s out cold. Well, sort of.

Fanny Ferzan: “Oh no you don’t, you need some rest!” Bursting up from the couch, she turns off the DVD player and grabs his coat all in one motion, thus triggering Meathead McClure to be forced to leave the premises. They do the classic couples doorstep scene, and Meathead is out the door by 10:23 pm, plenty of time to spare for him to drive home and see what crude videos that Daniel Tosh can throw sarcastic comments at.

Thus brings up the ethical dilemma for you valiant readers to ponder and possibly comment about. Is it morally wrong for an individual to fake a nap just so he can get out of her hair and go watch Tosh.0? Have you in fact lied to your own significant other just to get out of their presence? Should a man be forced to watch Channing Tatum on DVD? I pose again the four words that hopefully trigger’s a reaction.

You be the judge.

What do you think?

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