Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Have You Heard of Advisor Trac?

B.E.P. Longhorn, you can now officially listen to Christmas music on Pandora. Mix it up every once in a while though for me would you please? “Coyotes” by Don Edwards always brings a tear to the Cowboy inside me.

By the way, have I told you about Advisor Trac? It’s the most happening thing since sliced bread. It’s the crème de la crème of online high education software programs. It’s the Chuck Norris of 1’s and 0’s and html coding. It’s what Lady Gaga uses as toilet paper. IT. IS. THAT. AMAZING!

For those of you besides B.E.P. Longhorn, J. Black Hairpiece, The Royal King of Jericho, and Mrs. Dixie Bo Jackson, who don’t follow my daily ranting and insights, there is a fellow who we shall call, The Jerry Jones Minion, who works along side us for the betterment of the institution that employs us. He’s a great guy, very intelligent when it comes to education, has a decent opinion and knowledge of sports, and is a fun loving guy. But has he told you about Advisor Trac yet?

The Jerry Jones Minion: “Hey, hey, hey, have you heard of Advisor Trac?”

Swamp Thing: Confused/perplexed/WTF look across my face “Ummm…No? Should I have heard of it?”

The Jerry Jones Minion: Confused/perplexed/WTF/Christmas Morning for a six-year old look across his face “IT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE SOFTWARE PROGRAM EVER MADE! ALMOST AS GOOD AS MS/DOS! BUT BETTER!”

Swamp Thing: “MS Dos? What’s that?”

The Jerry Jones Minion: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT MS DOS IS?”

Swamp Thing: “No, I actually talk to girls.”

It is at this point when The Jerry Jones Minion goes on his usual diatribe about how this software program Advisor Trac is going to morph the organizational process of higher education advisement into the juggernaut of online learning. Advisor Trac to him, is what a double banana split is to a fat fifth grader. It’s that moment when we were introduced to the concept of Napster. It’s Legen- wait for it –DARY!

Don’t ask me what this program does, all I know is that the universe was created, and then on the eighth day there was Advisor Trac. It is the ambrosia that was served on golden platters to the Gods on Mount Olympus. It’s part history, part Sage, part Mexican. It was there when Pancho Villa was young.

It’s become a consistent trend in our office that we all enjoy hearing about. First The Jerry Jones Minion comes in and discusses how the Cowboys are going to win the Super Bowl (despite how they lost to the Cardinals last week and they’ll win their division by default on the grounds that the Eagles, Giants, and Redskins all suck). He then dovetails into bragging about Advisor Trac, and asks us if we want in on a secret software webinar that will teach us the in’s and out’s of this sacred program.

Swamp Thing/B.E.P. Longhorn: Waking up from a comatose stupor “What? What? I’m sorry. I tuned out when you said something about Advisor Trac.”

The Jerry Jones Minion is a great guy who we enjoy to have around, but all of our lives would be so much better if we didn’t have to hear about the same computer program every single day. At the rate he’s going he’ll probably name his next child Advisor Trac. Either that or Tony Romo. Both of which are horrible, horrible names.

What do you think?

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