Z is for Zombies

It may appear that I am running out of gas at the end of this A to Z challenge, however inspired by three great friends, Rawson, Uhri, and Nyquil, I will end my challenge by giving a toast to what we all will eventually turn into; Zombies. Let's face it, these creatures will eventually take over the world, and when they do, let's just say that I am thankful that I am roommates and Facebook friends with two of the most reliable Zombiepocalypse...

Y is for Yellowcard

I'm still drunk from Nyquil, so this will be short. This band and song created some of the best memories in the spring of 2004. How you can listen to this song and not like it is an insult. It was background noise to my life my sophomore year. And it will be playing as I doze off tonight on more Nyqu...

X is for X-rated.

How many of you clicked on this in hopes of being rewarded with digital pornography? Sorry to let you down. With the month of April winding down and the A to Z challenge coming to an end, I will admit this has been the toughest letter to come up with a subject for. That being said I seriously wonder how many people will be clicking on this blog post because of its subject title alone. For my most loyal and devoted 28 followers, there will be...

W is for Words with Friends

Eh, Words with Friends, that's not as cool of a game as everyone thinks it is. I mean, it's only Scrabble. No, it's THE Scrabble. It's ULTIMATE Scrabble. It's long-distance Scrabble with a fellow Scrabbler 3,000 miles away. It's scrabble for the social-media savvy, who enjoy digital dominance of a simple/deep minded contest. It's Scrabble on Mark McGwire's Roids. I would like to send a shout out to my boy Niels Hendrickson who turned me...

V is for Virginia

On this blog I have talked about women in my life who I have fervently cared for, had a passion for. A few days ago I even spouted off on my former delectable liquid lover Razzdango, who was taken away from me in a violent manner. But today, I would like to tell you about the one woman who I L-word and H-word more than anything else in this world; Virginia. Virginia and I saw each other for two years and five days exactly. She was a woman who...

U is for Ursula

Is she not the most scary Disney villain of all time? I'm no Mermaid, but I do remember being a four-year old at my daycaring neighbor Mrs. Biddulph's house, and being deathly afraid that this eight-legged monster would eat me alive. So what if every time that I swim in the ocean I wonder if my toes will get sucked off by Flotsam and Jetsam. You can't look me in the eye and tell me that this antagonist isn't one of the most terrifying creatures...

T is for Ties

For a two-year period of my life, I was in a completely different world. A world of denominations. A world of knocking on doors. A world of sweaty suits, black name tags, broken bicycles, slammed doors, angry rednecks, chewing tobacco, humidity, and anything else associated with Richmond Virginia. It was at this point in my life when I discovered the beauty of what made me different from everyone else donning a white shirt; Ties. Thanks to...

S is for Saving Lives

The past few days I have run in to a couple of shadows from my past. Good shadows, mind you. Shadows that I am grateful for. Shadows that saved my life. Literally. Baker Reservoir in the summer of 2008 is the backdrop to where this story begins. My good friend Blake Nielson and I were headed for an overnight campout. Good times I must say, good times. It was on that fateful drive when I learned about what would be later called the “steak on the back”. Good times were abounding as a group of guys sat around the campfire and scarfed...

R is for Razzdango

The hidden treasure above is the greatest non-alcoholic liquid substance ever created. It tastes as sweet as nectar from a utopian fairytale. It was my classic concoction that I would pour gracefully down my throat for $1.79. It, was my Razzdango. Denny's had it as a part of a special mix of drinks that they ran for a few years. I fell in L-word with it at first sight, and I knew that the feeling was mutual. Razzdango and I would waltz away...

Q is for Questions

Q is a tough letter to find a topic for. I had so many questions running through my mind as to what should be the subject of my post. And then it hit me harder than a freshly opened syringe to Barry Bonds’ biceps: questions. Therefore with some personal enigmas combined with the inquiries of others, I have gathered this list of life’s unanswered questions that have left me in the above pose for hours on end. Let me know if you have any of the...

P is for Parking Lot Pricks

The picture says enough. On a campus of over 9,000 students, faculty, and staff members and a few hundred parking stalls, this moped moron takes up ample space with his wannabe Harley. Nobody to my knowledge even knows who owns this excuse of a vehicle. Probably because this is parked at the break of dawn before school has even started. This nearly trumps the double parking flaw that most compensating small guys use who try to impress everyone...

O is for Ogden

Correct me if I'm wrong, but do those five letters make up the ugliest city name in the history of mankind? Ogden is as hideous as Albuquerque, NM, or Cheektowaga, NY. Just saying that two-syllable conundrum makes it sound like you are clearing your throat of a week-long regurgitation of phlegm and encrusted boogers. And yes, I did just write that. When I lived in Virginia Beach I used to lie to people and tell them that I was from St. George,...

N is for Nickelodeon

I don't know what kids are watching these days. But when I was growing up, I couldn't help but love the following shows that are epic classics in my mind. Salute Your Shorts Are You Afraid of the Dark? Rocko's Modern Life The Adventures of Pete & Pete Ren & Stimpy Roundhouse Doug Guts KaBlam! Legends of the Hidden Temple "Camp Anawana, we hold you in our hearts, and when I think about you, it makes me want to fart." Is there a better...

M is for Morrison

Laying in bed last Sunday night at 3 in the morning, I started thinking about all of the people that I am grateful for in my life. There's a list somewhere that I can't even keep track of all of the incredible individuals that I have had the pleasure of knowing in my life. But since today is M, I will share with you the story of me and my new roommate. Robbie Morrison comes from a back-canyon neck of the woods in Northern Utah; Morgan County....

L is for Little Things

Jesse Eisenberg had a profound statement in the epic film "Zombieland" when his character Columbus, jotted down rule number 32; Enjoy the little things. Those little things are what keep us going day in and day out. From one peak to the next peak, and all of the garbage in between. Little things can be there to remind us of someone when they're not around. When they have peacefully departed from the same path that we're headed down, or when...

K is for Karma

When I was 7 years old, my neighbors were playing flag football in my backyard when one of the guys was taken down pretty hard on a blindside tackle. His name was Kevin Watkins, and he knelt on the ground bleeding profusely from his mouth. Dripping blood, he reached inside his right cheek and attempted to untangle the skin that was embedded in the razor trap of braces attached to his bicuspids. "This is what I get for kicking out Jeremy Johnson's...

J is for Jazzfans

One phrase that I have come to finally accept in the harsh reality of sports fandom is this: There's always next year. As depressing as that sounds, my heritage and loyalty to one team and one team only in the National Basketball Association for 26 years and counting, has been defined by those four simple, insignificant, powerfully depressing words. Granted, the Jazz haven't had nearly as much heartbreak and suffering as the Red Sox, Bills,...

I is for i-Life

Do you have an i-phone? If you don't have an i-phone, well then, you uh...don't have an i-phone. I will admit that has to be hands down one of the most arrogant, better-than-thou advertisements I have ever witnessed in my career of analyzing marketing techniques. But in all reality, that statement is true. If you don't have an i-phone, then you really don't have an i-key to the i-doorway that the world is being i-shoved into. We all soon enough...

H is for Hoover

I have been very fortunate to have an endless supply of solid people in my life. People who have put up with me. People who have taught me lessons through experience. People who I could try and thank through a blog posting, but Internet text would never do the job. Life is tough. It always will be. And there is one person/family who keeps getting kicked in the teeth and getting right back up for more; the Hoovers. 19 years ago I was introduced...

G is for Gregory House

I am not a maniacal addict to prime-time television. If you've been reading my posts thus far, you should already know what I'm addicted to. I don't TiVo American Idol, or House Hunters, or Justified. As sad as this sounds in the media world, I really have no idea who the Kardashian's are. Is it bad for me to say that I don't pay attention to the popular television show frenzy that is going on? Somewhere Philo T. Farnsworth is shaking his head....

F is for Finger Surgery. Again.

Because of my ingesting of mucho intoxicating pain medications, and the fact that I will temporarily have only 9 fingers, this post will be short. A picture says a thousand words about the brilliance of modern medicine. I hope it works this time. If not, I think that somewhere a voodoo doll is being used.....

E is for Estrogen

Something that I am eternally grateful for are the women that have performed on the stage in my life. All 11 of them. 10 sisters, one mother, and a feminine father who was taking estrogen shots behind the curtains. I think they taught me well in the years that we were together. One rule of thumb that they worked hard to instill upon me is this simple doctrine; the girl is always right. It does not matter what a guy says, does, or appears, he...

D is for Drug Addiction

Ironic as I start this post Weezer is playing "We are all on drugs" on Pandora. We are though aren't we? This post isn't inspired by the fact that I had a marijuana-dealing roommate my freshman year of college. Or because I watched Half-Baked one too many times last night. Jim Breuer:"Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate,...

C is for Charles Schwab Commercials

So you're telling me that I can save on my retirement and work on improving my 401k? And what kind of investments are going to boost my... wait a minute, you're a cartoon character? Does anyone else see what I am seeing during commercical breaks? We have financial consultants giving us retirement advice about our future pathways into the latter years of life, using big words such as brokerage, client assets, and investment contributions? And...

B is for Baseball

This post is inspired by the ridiculous slew of Facebook posts on Thursday in euphoric revelry that America's Greatest Pastime was officially back for another season. And no I'm not talking about Golden Corral buffets. I'm referring to Major League Baseball. Please don't stop reading if you're already bored. Baseball is the most mundane sport out there. Compared with the other four major sports in our country, baseball has the second least...

A is for Alias.

So I am REALLY getting into this blogging thing. And by thus doing so, I have been corralled into the A to Z Challenge. I will admit, I'm stoked to tackle this bulldog staring me down. We'll see what the month of April has in store. Before I get started I would like to thank a half-empty/melancholy comrade who's blogalias from this day henceforth shall be J. Black Hairpiece. He gave much inspiration for this post and I would like to thank him...