I heart Dexter

I heart Dexter. More than I heart gummi red raspberries from Harmons. And those are tough to beat. I heart him so much, that this chart I found on reddit.com was one of the greatest things I have ever come across. It is mesmerizing. Keep killing Dexter, keep killing.....

Things I suck at...

Here is a list of things that I absolutely positively suck at. Things that I have tried and epically failed at over and over again. DancingBeing baldCrochetingCalculating any type of mathematicsProportioning my body in awkward yoga positionsFitting in small placesWearing polyester tiesSinging alto or soprano Donning the color pink on any type of clothingSolving a rubik's cubeWearing size 32 pantsSpeaking a foreign languageNot sweating while reading the newspaperNot sweating periodPlaying the sousaphoneBench pressing my body weightNailing a backflip...

A player?

My girlfriends roommate is a player. Also called Playa, if you have African-American/Marshall Mathers heritage. She is 18, and has more boys on the line, then I have neckties. I was a missionary. I have a dumpload. The fact is though, this girl can't seem to get enough attention, adoration and interest from the loads if guys she has on the line. For example, this week alone she, * has gotten together and broken up with a guy via text because they didn't want to commit to each other. * has stayed out till late hours of the night with whoever roams...

5 Teams That I Hate

If I were going to list 5 teams that I absolutely hate, completely abhor, I wish that they would be removed from the face of the earth, they would be these five:First of all, I almost feel embarrassed that the Maize and Blue is on my blog to begin with. However, this is the most disgusting, most putrid, disrespectful, disgraceful, I would rather make out with a skunk than put on a U of M shirt. Being a solid Buckeye, this team will always be my...

The Nazi Parents

Kids are a ways away. Heck, the M-word is for that matter, but that's another blog. But whenever that day rolls around and I have little Brock's and Brooke's running around there is one thing that I will not be. An overprotective parent. Here I sit at an 8th grade girls basketball game, about to cheer on my little sister Jazmin. Seated 10 feet to my left is a screaming behemoth ranting at the ref's for missing that 3-second call on that last possession....

The Meat Market

I am an ogre. I am a fat bastard. I am out of shape. However, I am not a pretentious, shallow jerkoff who parades around in a cutoff Golds t-shirt, flexing my biceps brachii, latissimus dorsi, and clavicular pectoralis majora for the ladies. I am not a 27-point I.Q. lineman who has to grunt after every rep of my seated row, just so everyone in the gym can see how HARD I am working. I am not an annoying stickler who stands next to the hottest...

The Tool List

After seven hours of Mountain Dew, steak quesadillas and Divisional Playoff games, three wise sages came up with what is called "The Tool List." Now let me classify what a tool is. To be a tool you must have not a single vapor of respect for anyone surrounding you. You must have a personal compact mirror in which you check yourself every ten seconds. You must have signed a contract with Satan in a pre-existing world. You are a tool. And if...

A Child of the 60's.

I have a roommate that was born two and a half decades late. His name is Trevor Whitlock, and he is a poster child of the 60's. The kids shaggy hair and wiry frame are being soothed for hours on end as he listens to running tracks by Jim Morrison, Lynard Skynard, and The Rolling Stones. At times he is off in his own little world. Peace, love, and happiness are his lifetime goals, and I respect the kid for wanting to be a flower child. The recurring...

DYAC!

Two days ago I was shown the humor of a website called DamnYouAutoCorrect.com. Which displays the frustrating stupidity of the Auto Correct feature on iPhone's, that mixes up the verbiage that is typed too quickly. Ironically, I experienced the same thing this past week as I was trying to explain the quote, "I'm freezing my Royal Rastafarian NeNe's off down here. This is the conversation that followed...

Resolutions, Maybe?

Am I a slacker? Maybe. Am I lazy? Only on Saturdays in the fall. Am I a curse word for not keeping my blog updated? Yes. I'll admit to being guilty on that one. We all start New Years Resolutions. Everyone does. Whether it's losing 20 pounds by March 15th, or committing to ask a different girl out every weekend in hopes of finding that E.C. (Neither of those have been mine.) Everybody makes them. Publicly, privately, or subliminally, everyone sets goals this time of year. So, with that being said, I need to start being a stickler on...