It's Gonna Be Legen, Wait For It...

Tomorrow night, part of me is going to die. For full effect, download "Hey Beautiful" by The Solids, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Tomorrow night, a part of my life is ending. Over. No mas. A decade of my life that has been filled with laughs, tears, blue French horns, red cowboy boots, duck ties, goats and rabbits, is finally complete. Tomorrow night, the curtain for How I Met Your Mother...

I'm With Stupid

Remember how I’m still a little bit twerked about the condition that humanity is in? And yes, I did just use a Miley Cyrus dirty dance move to describe the animosity of my current mental state. Remember how I ranted about the world we live in being motivated by recycled electronic devices we hold in our hands? Remember how I said on Sunday that this would be a two-part blogpost? Well here you go, the second half of my twerking session....

Disconnect To Connect

My name is humanity, and I have a problem. For full effect, download "This Place Is A Prison" by The Postal Service and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. For the record, this will be a two-part blog about the dumbing down of today's society, the shallowness of our relationships, and the issues we face because of an influx of digital technology, social media, and just flat out laziness. #extremefirstworldproblems #thesystemisdown...

I'm A Man

When I was four years old I parked my bike on the grass, sat on my next-door neighbor's porch, and had an intimate moment with the world around me, with the surrounding grandeur of life's creation, with the glory of the universe. I paused for a brief moment, looked up to the skies with a humble heart and thanked the big man upstairs for giving me a penis.  For full effect, download “The Big Payback” by James Brown, and play at maximum...

That's A Crying Shame

I think I found something I hate more than black jelly beans or the initial 17-second brain freeze you get from your first gulp of a Slurpee. Baseball. For full effect, download “Never Again” by Nickelback, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I know I have written rants before on my passion against America’s pastime. I know I hate it more than Canada hates Justin Beiber, but for some reason I gave it one last...

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

You want something motivational? You want something that is inspiring? You want something that will make you feel all warm and fuzzy and push you to give a homeless man a hug when you’re out and about? For full effect, download the acoustic version of “Where Is My Mind” by Maxence Cyrin and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. A lazy man’s solution would be to upload a video of my cuter than Care Bears 10-month old...

The Locks of Lunacy

I talked to an old college roommate this past week who told me he made a vow with God that he would not cut his long, shaggy brown hair until he finally found his wife.  And all of you thought I was crazy.  For full effect, download "Vengeance" by Blue Oyster Cult and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.  I'm being serious, this sponge of a man thought in order to find the girl of his dreams all he...

Rules To Surviving A Marriage

It’s been how long since I’ve blogged about relationships? What's that? Two weeks? Alright, cue background music. Here we go. For full effect, download “Story Of My Life” by One Direction and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Married people are funny creatures to observe. I say this because you are more fascinating to watch than the latest season of “Ink Masters”. You are a unique batch of characters who whine...

Awkward In The Air

Awkward. That is the single best word I can use to describe the 57-minute flight I recently walked off of.  For full effect, download “Hope You’re Happy” by Dashboard Confessional and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Airlines in today’s society are designing trips for passengers in the most uncomfortable way possible. Awkward. Nothing but. They initiate your trip in that manner from the very beginning...