2013

Wasn’t the world supposed to have ended by about now? Seriously Mayans, you suck at keeping things in check. At least when it comes to predicting global apocalypses and managing the Spanish influenza. For full effect, download “This Will Be Our Year” by The Zombies, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. So…we’re to the end of another one? Already? You’re joking, right? This is ludicrous I know, but let’s...

Your Two Cents

You’re a funny audience to read, you know that? For full effect, download “Two Weeks” by Grizzly Bear and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I know I say this blog is for my future kids, an online recording that holds the tales and the opinions of the grumpy old man they call their Dad. However, I must say that for the time being as I post these clusterfests on the Internet and showcase them using my Facebook...

I Love Lamp

We all have different holiday traditions. Whether it's opening up a new set of pajamas the night before Santa arrives, gorging ourselves on raspberry Jell-O and Lil' Smokies all day long, or going out for Mexican and watching the latest Christmas Blockbuster. Whatever your tradition may be, I think we can all agree on the same thing every time the annual Festivus rolls around. In the words of the legendary weatherman Brick Tamland, "We love lamp". Merry...

This Is Why You Are Not Married

Last week I posted a rant that in the history of my blogging career was one of the highest rated and most popular posts I have ever written. To sum it up in a short sentence, you freaking loved it. If you were single. If you were married…well, you had different thoughts as to who was right and who was wrong, and you all voiced your opinions very passionately. I appreciate that. One of the most notable voices in this feedback was a married...

This Is Why We Are Still Single

Normally this space is reserved for some comical story I’m reciting to my kids that for the most part is exaggerated just to make them laugh. You’ve pretty much got the gist of how this blog is run, don’t you? However, this week things are different. This week, this post is for me. And for Chris Thompson. And for Gabe Phillips. And for everyone else out there who is sick and tired of married individuals treating us like we are the scum of the...

The Legend Of The Rhinestone Cowboy

I know in multiple instances on this blog I have told tales that included a legendary figure known as The Rhinestone Cowboy. This is a man who has had an illustrious career in higher education thus far, and is someone who Bear Grylls would ultimately tip his cap to. We have had our golden ages together as college recruiters, however things have changed considerably over the years since the distinguished Rhinestone Cowboy became my friend. Because...

My Date With A Serial Killer

“Is there any way we could change it to some place that I know? What if this restaurant you’re talking about doesn’t exist? And how do I know you’re not just going to kill me?” Were the first words my blind date texted me on Friday night.   For full effect, download “Midnight Rambler” by The Rolling Stones, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Before I begin, I would like to issue a formal apology on...

To Jeremiah Rawson!

If I were sitting with Will Ferrell, John Goodman, and Alec Baldwin, doing an SNL skit about drunk people celebrating the Birthday of one of the most legendary men of all time, this is what our conversation would sound like. (By the way, Google “Bill Brasky” and you’ll know the direction I’m heading with this.) Me: “Have I ever told you about the great, Jeremiah Rawson?” JG: “Yeah, I know Rawson. Isn’t he the one who once caught a cobra...