Friday, September 21, 2012

Life in Provo

Today kids, we will be privileged to hear from a guest blogger, a dear friend who has decided to take her talents to one of the scariest places on Earth; Happy Valley. Both she and her husband will be greatly missed as they move on to a place that's more creepy than a West Virginian family reunion of gingers. And so, without further ado, I give you the great Mrs. Dixie Bo Jackson.



In my humble opinion,

I am nervous to move to Provo, UT. I've never lived near the infamous city nor ever had a desire. However, JDawgs and the BYU creamery called and said they are excited to see me regularly. Then Gold's gym called, after talking to JDawgs and the creamery, and guilted me into visiting regularly too. With a land full of Mormons I am legitimately praying that I don't come to any realization that the Baptists and Obama campaign are right and we really are a cult. But if so, I guess it's too late now.

Not only am I nervous about moving to Provo, I am trembling about living in student housing at the Lord's college. I once again am pleading on my knees that no one from the Relief Society befriends me with carrot red jello. If the Relief Society President was a true Mormon she would drive off campus and buy me a good 32 oz. Diet Coke to start welcoming me to the 1,231 Provo Ward. (Diet Coke is my water).

I am also looking forward to this conversation with Provo residents,

Zoobie: "Did you go to BYU?"

Me: "No, I graduated from Dixie"

Zoobie: "Ohhhh......................................And you're exiled. Beginning now."

I would love to follow up with a reminder in an "I'm joking but not joking" tone that I paid for their school through tithes and that I would appreciate a little gratitude. But we can only hope I grow the balls to breathe those words.

And dear Utah County, whose idea was it to do construction on 98.67% of the roads? That was just poor planning on your part. I should be the City planner. Consider it.

Lastly, I'm dreading the fact that I have been married for more than three months and I don't have kids. I think I'll get a lecture at least within the first 72 hours I'm living there. LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!!

Sincerely,

Me.

What do you think?

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