Chicks Dig Vampires

I think I need to turn into a vampire to become more popular. Do you know where I’m coming from? Have you not seen the pathetic obsession with "Breaking Dawn" that has mothers and daughters tossing their panties at the giant silver screen premiering? What is it about the whole Twilight series, or vampires in general that makes every single creature with estrogen obsessed with? I have no clue. Is it the pointed teeth? Is it being alive for...

The Last Step

In the room next to me a woman is dying. Yeah, that’s a depressing way to start a post, but the shock value alone triggered you to keep reading into this next sentence. Your disapproval and agitation with the shock value will keep you reading this current sentence. Followed by the fact that your envelope has been pushed to the point that you are willing to read this entire post to gauge my own personal feelings about life in general. Don’t...

Dear Rhinestone Cowboy...

Dear Rhinestone Cowboy, This post is for you. We have come along way in the years that we’ve known each other. There was the awkward small group communication class that we wasted away our lives in listening to the old geezer Shamo. There were the countless intramural beatdowns I received by the loathed Team Texas. And of course, there was the highlight of my life (along with leaving Roy) the day that you and I were introduced to Miss Piggy,...

The Good Times of Guy Council

There are a large number of traditions that have created a conglomeration of memories for me to reflect upon and remember all of the good times that I had. Looking back on this my life, there has been a hoard of things I think I have thoroughly enjoyed. Amidst all the great traditions and events that have defined my life, I would say that one of the greatest things I have ever enjoyed in my life, is the tradition of Guy Council. 

 Never heard...

I Am Not A Cowboy

I have an old buddy named Chet who is through and through a cowboy. The guy epitomizes what being a country boy is. For instance, he had a steel roping dummy named Clark that we tried to rope in our parking lot. I tried to lasso his metallic hind legs, but God didn’t grace me with those kinds of skills. Chet lived a lifestyle that is completely foreign to me, one he called being a “country cowboy.” I don’t understand country culture one bit. It...

I Need This Shirt

If you know who I am, and you know how I sweat, then you know that I need this for my wardrobe. I will be accepting this as a donated Christmas prese...

I Am Terminally Ill

It’s the last stop on this long, long Week of __________ and for some reason I don’t even know what day it is. For full effect, download “Mama I’m Comin’ Home” by Ozzy Osbourne from iTunes and play and maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Honestly, I have lost track of almost everything at this point in my life. It’s all just a blur to me now. So please excuse me if I have forgotten your name, where you’re from, or who you even...

Everyone Has A Nose Ring

For full effect, download “Sunday Morning” by Maroon 5 from iTunes and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. At least I think that it’s Sunday morning. This entire trip has morphed the continuously running clock/calendar that is supposed to be on track in my head into a giant blob. Add Daylight Savings Time into the equation, and I don’t even know where I am. Somewhere my body is floating through the space/time continuum....

The Suicide That Is Seattle

For full effect, download "Heart-Shaped Box" by Nirvana and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. 0.01% of the American population will at some point in their lives attempt or commit suicide. Substantially larger, 10% of anyone who is diagnosed with schizophrenia is statistically prone to swallow the pills or pull the trigger as well. Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm a scizophrenic, And so am I. Seattle is the most...

I think...Day 4?

The days are slowly morphing into one giant blob by this point. It's a little after 5:30 a.m. and I am seated in the terminal waiting my flight to Seattle. There's no reason why I should be awake at this curse word hour. My job is personifying the phrase "Red Eye" at this very moment. Hey, if I'm lucky maybe I'll be seated next to Rachel McAdams. (LTT) For full effect, download "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley and play at maximum volume throughout the...

Day 3

I'm up in Twin Falls, ID currently. For those of you who aren't familiar with the geography of Idaho (then again what normal person actually is?) it is about two hours southeast of Boise. And believe me, trying to get here last night on only 5 hours sleep at 11:00 at night was not my best decision. It's just another example of how Mt. Dew has saved my life. That sperm-reducing yellow liquid seems to be my lifetime companion. Currently I am seated...

Week of ________ Day 2

Aksusaidfbqsodfjsdkjfbsdkjfb? What? Sorry, I was just waking up from a quick power nap in the middle of the hotel's lobby. Let me wipe up the pool of drool on the green-checkered cloth pillow next to me. The valet across the hall is giving me a dirty look for my slumber. I will say that it has been a long day already. And yes, I do believe in the concept of power naps. They have gotten me through many long drawn out days in the past. It's...

Week of __________

I don't know what to specifically call this Week of __________. Too many descriptive nouns and adjectives ran through my head. Heck, due to the picture above, It could be the Week of Putzes. But then again, I need to work on being more positive don't I? Whatever you want to call it, the upcoming Week of __________ will be following my recruiting trip to the Pacific Northwest. Hope it keeps you entertained. For full effect, download "Comfortably...