How I Met Your Mother

Kids, I have told you dozens of stories over the years that have moved from Point A to Point B with hopefully some kind of moral at the end. Out of all of the stories you have heard up to this moment, none are more important than what happened last Sunday night on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain. For full effect, download “And There She Was” by The Solids and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I think I am...

Call Me Peggy

So remember that one time when I used to write on this thing called a blog?  For full effect, download "Changes" by David Bowie and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.  Seriously people, I sound like a cookie cutter mid-30's stay-at-home Mother named Peggy with three kids who just washed either chocolate or poop from her split-end littered hair, when I say the words "Here's a new post on my blog, just...

This Makes No Sense

Kids, right now I'm sitting in front of a class of students who are taking the final exam for the Interpersonal Communication course I taught this semester. Yes, actual people are taking a test that I wrote for a class that I taught. I'm not saying this to boost my ego, I'm saying this because holy freaking curse word, I am the mediator for how a student's academic future will look like.  There has to be something wrong here.  For...

Hit The Road

Kids, right now I'm heading south on I-15, somewhere in between Mesquite and mile marker 127. I've got a bowl of Cap'n Crunch in my belly, a pair of fancy schmancy sunglasses on my face, listening to Matthew White elegantly serenade profanity to me as I use my left thigh to navigate past truckers, trailers, and Priuses while I write down my memoirs on what will be the last road trip I will ever take as a recruiter for Dixie State University. For...

This Is How I Met A Girl

"So you really need to tone the blog down. I mean, just quit telling all these stories and stuff. You're making us look bad." Said one of the brothers. "Totally man. I mean, you need to just stop blogging altogether. That way you'll be more likable." Said another. "Wait, so I need to stop telling my future kids this story of how I potentially met their Mother?" I ask. "Absolutely." They agreed. "I swear your stock will shoot through the roof...

Why, Thank You!

“I never send an after date text.” Brooke says to me last Friday night. “Come again for Big Fudge?” “If a guy is interested, he’ll fight to take me out again. Since when is that text a mandatory thing every girl MUST do once the date is over?” Um, why does anyone spend money on another person and not get a thank you in return? Since when is the dating world we’re all playing in a figurative version of a strip club? For full effect, download...

What The Hell Is This?

“So you kind of stirred the pot with your latest blogpost.” My boss says to me this morning in the middle of our Title IX training. “Stirred the pot with my blogpost? Uh-oh, with who?” “People think you’re getting married.” He says back. For full effect, download, “No Way In Hell” by the Bomfunk MC’s and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Historically speaking, these blogposts are primarily written for...

That Spark

You wouldn’t think that a Wal-Mart at 2:30 in the morning would be the place that gives you some of the most divine inspiration about the meaning of life, but every once in a while, crazy stuff happens. For full effect, download “Hey” by The Pixies and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. A while back it was a Thursday afternoon in October and I was in Anaheim, California, sitting in a living room that hasn’t been...

It's Just Money

“Tickets! You need tickets? I got two of ‘em! Left corner in da Gonzaga section, $175 a piece. Come on man, take ‘em off my hands.” A fat man with French fries for hair says to us before we even get out of our car. For full effect, download “Holy Moly” by Matthew E. White and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Kids, I have seen some great sporting events in my lifetime. I sat courtside at the Delta Center to watch...

Well Uh…This Is Awkward...

Birthdays suck. Unless someone else is celebrating one then everything is fine. But when you're blowing out your own candles, a birthday is about as awkward as prom in West Virginia For full effect, download "Cigarette Daydreams" by Cage The Elephant and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.  I've been on this Earth a hair over three decades now. Some of those years were beautiful, some of them ugly, but needless...