I Will Hunt You Down

“Brock, I’m tellin' ya, there ain’t nothin’ like sneakin’ up on a herd a them things, pullin’ out your gun, takin’ one of ‘em out, and then mountin’ the crap out of ‘em. You ain’t a man until you’ve experienced that, I tell you what.” I don’t know if we’re talking about hunting down a bull elk, or stalking an ex-girlfriend to the point of getting a restraining order, but neither of those sound very appealing at all. For full effect, download...

Shut Your Face, Old Man

You know you’re getting old when none of the students in your class ever had a MySpace account. That, and not a single one of them have a birthday in the 80’s. For full effect, download “30 Something” by Jay-Z, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Maybe I have yet to reach that haunting realization that I’ve been walking God’s green Earth for three decades, but I’m still getting up there. Scary, I know....

One Of The Best

I have eleven sisters. Shocking, I know. One of them is a loyal Buckeye like me, one of them I have never met, and one I haven't spoken to in over a decade. One of them got married on a beach, one of them is potentially half black, and two of them are in the seizure club with me. Eleven women have impacted my life over the last 24 years. But today I want to tell you about the one that I admire the most. For full effect, download "Keep Holding...

I'll Pin That

Sometimes when I get bored making breakfast in the morning, I recreate popular Pinterest posts with my artistic talent for the execution of live eggs.&nbs...

You Watch Your Mouth!

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Golf Makes You Nuts

There are two reasons I think have finally put me in the subcategory of a senior citizen. 1. When my teenage server born in the late 90's at Cafe Rio greets me with the title of "sir" instead of "buddy", and 2. When I look at the sport of golf as my ultimate relief of stress. For full effect, download "Black Betty", by RamJam and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Go ahead, you can thank Rick Palmer for that one. You...

Some Things Money Can't Buy

I had a hook line that was going to relate with the concept of farting, however I didn’t want back-to-back posts starting off with a theme of unpredictable bowel movements. For full effect, download “Renegade” by Styx, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. The past seven days have been…well, (cue long exhale and dropped shoulders) well they’ve been, uh…you know? Yeah, that sentence probably sums it up perfectly....

The Death Of Seizure Man

It's been five years since the last time I wet my pants in public. For full effect, download "First Day Of My Life" by Bright Eyes and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Five years people. That sometimes seems too good to be true, I must say. Five years since I totaled an ex-girlfriend's Nissan Altima on the side of the road. Five years since I laid on the bottom of Baker reservoir for four and a half minutes. Five...