Or where I jokingly make fun of how social media has blunted the growth of our culture and humanity and hypocritically postmark my words with the hashtag #firstworldproblems in order to gain more traffic to my website.
Or how I was able to understand the joy of life itself after going on a long drive with a car full of groupies that had inside jokes about higher education that none of you will think are funny and religiously belted out the words to "Africa" by Toto throughout the duration of our road trip.
This is the part where none of that will happen because I'm sitting in an audience full of helicopter parents about to stand up and broadcast the academic highlights of their child's life and hand them a sheet of paper that now grants them access to the world of big kids.
This is also the part where I don't like being a grown up, with responsibilities that wear me out so much I begin dozing off in the middle of swimming laps. Please excuse me, I've got some new carpet to install.