This time, she wasn’t.
For full effect, download “Someone Like You” by Adele, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.
I would like to add that this is not, I repeat, NOT a “woe is me” swan song for attention due to a harsh lack of the L-word in my personal life. This is simply a remembrance of something that didn’t happen. I would also like to suggest that if you have any masculine traits, or a strong inclination to cry during motivational Nike commercials, it would be best if you closed your Safari browser now.
If you and I have talked about relationships, you are more than likely well aware of my blunder of a break-up known by the simple coined phrase, “Text-Gate”. Yes, I know. I am a fool. Please, don’t rub it in. The girl who was the victim of Text-Gate was the same girl who used to sit across from me at that ski lodge in Logan Canyon. A girl who was the closest I ever came to L-wording someone. A girl who has now moved on in her life.
Again, please don’t label me a softy, a sissy, or any other girly name that fifth-grade bullies abuse during recess. I’m as manly as they come. I can change the oil in my car, kill a spider with my bare hands, and bench press my body weight while a Stallone movie plays in the background, yes, I am a man. However, I write this post only because today I was caught off-guard in a hypothetical puzzle wondering about the outcome of my life; wondering about what might have been.
Things change. We make choices, we deal with the consequences, we move on. That’s the way it’s been since day one. But sometimes, I think that every single one of us has gotten caught up in the heat of reminiscing moments, second-guessing the decisions that we made, and having subconscious debates about how things would have been had we taken a different direction when we came to one of the many monumental forks in the roads of our life.
Now, I’m not questioning my choice in committing the act of Text-Gate, not at all. I still stand by my social media foul-up through and through, 100%. It was the right thing to happen for both of us.
But then again, what if it wasn’t? What if for some crazy, hair-brained, off-the wall, outlandish, lunatic reason I didn’t send that text to her? What if I did change my mind at the last split-second, and ignored what I felt was the voice of reason talking sense to me? What if I didn’t terminally end things with that girl, where would the two of us be right now?
Honestly, I would probably have a wife. Maybe a kid? Maybe a house? Maybe getting ready to move across the country to further my education with a PhD, with her at my side? Maybe she would have been with me last year when my Grandfather died, and I would have been with her when she became an Aunt to an adopted child. Maybe the two of us would have been happy. And maybe today in that ski lodge, I would have been looking back into her eyes, probably dropping the L-bomb to her for the thousandth time in our relationship, and not regretting a single moment of our lives together.
But you see, dear reader, that’s not what happened. We went our separate ways. She found a great man to tie the knot with that she adored more than life itself, and today I sat in a ski lodge looking at a guy who just had his second child with my cousin.
Life sure is screwy, wouldn’t you say? That’s the best description I can come up with for this thing that we all wake up to every single morning. Screwy. Don’t doubt me a bit, I L-word my entire life to pieces. And every single thing I have ever done I stand proudly behind, with those choices molding me to becoming the person I am. Call it destiny, call it fate, call it whatever you want, I am exactly where I want to be in my life at this very moment.
But as the night creeps on well after midnight, and the reminiscing silence only grows louder, I can’t help but have an inkling of a second-guess play mind games with me, and ask the never-ending unanswered rhetorical question:
What might have been?