My New Weakness

Nothing beats sitting next to a naked 67-year old man in a room full of steam. Am I right? For full effect, download "If I Were A Rich Man" from the Soundtrack of Fiddler on the Roof, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. In my meager 27 years upon this Earth, I have experienced many great things. Courtside Jazz tickets, snowboarding trips at fancy ski resorts, not having to explain to my significant other where...

Great Expectations

I went golfing yesterday with a man who I admire immensely; my boss. I know that there is only a small percentage of people who can say that without a sarcastic smirk beginning to pucker up from the corners of their mouths. As we were teeing up for the first hole, one of the most profound pieces of advice that I have heard in years trickled out from his stockpile of wisdom and landed in my lap. And I'm sure glad I was paying attention. My boss:...

Put Some Clothes On

Isn’t it beautiful outside? I l-word this time of year. I l-word the weather. I sarcastically l-word how the temperature doesn’t dip below 90 anymore. I l-word playing sand volleyball in nothing but a pair of shorts. I l-word how it is always warm no matter what time of day it is. There is one thing, however, that I don’t l-word about this time of year. Girls wearing slutty clothing. Shocking, you might say? That I as a man would betray...

I Killed a Dragon

Today's blogpost kids, is a retelling of a story that happened this last week in the confused culture that I am a part of in Southern Utah. It is also brought to you by the letter G. For full effect, download "Trogdor" by Strongbad and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Planted in church this past Sunday, the group of men that I was sitting with was asked to be participants of a "getting-to-know-you" activity. Rather...

90 Minutes of Hell

Am I crazy? Well that depends on who you ask. Do I sometimes attempt screwball adventures just for the sake of living out my own childhood fantasies? Only on Thursdays. Have I recently checked another item off of my “Things I need to do before I’m 30” bucket list? You bet your left ovary I have. This morning at the blasphemous hour of 4:40 am, some possessed demon rolled out of my Queen-sized bed, got in my car, drove all the way out to...

Letters of Total B.S.

I wrote a letter of recommendation for a friend this morning. Boy, am I full of crap. Let me rephrase that. I wrote a letter of recommendation for a friend this morning. Boy was it a waste of time filled with exaggerated gibberish and five-syllable words. But then again, aren’t they all like that? For full effect, download “Would I Lie To You” by the Eurythmics and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Let me...

You Can't Cheat Death

A plane crashed in the desert a few weeks ago, killing four local young men who at the time might have been at the peak of their own lives. These four great men were praised and honored at funerals, in memorial services, at personal vigils, and most importantly, through Facebook status updates. Yes, we do in fact live in a conceited, self-praising world in which everyone wants you to know about their own pain. Especially the pain that comes...

Community Fighter II

If my favorite video game as a kid mated up with my favorite television show as an adult, they would have one of the greatest things ever invent...

Pirating Music-Old School

Remember the days when we all used to be active pirates of the music industry? You do know what I’m talking about, and no, I’m not referring to Napster. For full effect, download any given song that was produced in the early 1990’s, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. More than likely Keith Tronic will be able to tell you exactly who it is. He is that uncanny. Take a moment to stroll back down memory lane and...

Why Do We Like This Guy?

I’m sitting here on a Sunday afternoon cheering on an adulterer to win a golf tournament. Why am I doing this? Good question. Myself, and the rest of the sports world has not been able to figure out why we still like this guy. By the way, the curse word who I am referring to is the infamous Tiger Woods. For full effect, download “You’re a Jerk” by the New Boyz, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Honestly,...