Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Killed a Dragon

Today's blogpost kids, is a retelling of a story that happened this last week in the confused culture that I am a part of in Southern Utah.

It is also brought to you by the letter G.

For full effect, download "Trogdor" by Strongbad and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

Planted in church this past Sunday, the group of men that I was sitting with was asked to be participants of a "getting-to-know-you" activity. Rather than sing a unified excerpt from the noteworthy musical "The King and I", we all were asked to go around the room, tell everyone what our name was, and what was the coolest thing that we had done this past week.

Cue the most random antisocial answers ever compiled.

For the record, their names have been completely deleted for reasons of liability and respect.

"Hi, my name is _____________, and I uh, I leveled up on World of Warcraft."

"Hey there, my name is _____________, and the coolest thing that I did was finish season three of Lost."

"Sup guys, my name is _____________, and I, well I pulled out my old PS2 and beat Kingdom Hearts over the course of about five hours or so."

For the record, two out of the first three responses were in reference to the video gaming culture, of which I have no personal understanding. I would also like to note that this seemed to be the pattern for the remainder of the statements made. On average, 83% of the given answers had something to do with a form of gaming. (i.e. Nintendo, Role Playing, Tic-Tac-Toe, etc. etc.)

There were also some very distinct answers that provoked head spinning and glazed over eyes of jealousy.

"Hi, I'm _____________, and I actually went out and talked to a girl for a little while. I think I might ask her out on a date in the next couple of weeks."

The carnal nature inside of me wanted to rip his anti-dating policy to shreds, but you know what, props to this kid. I hope things work out with him and whoever he met at the local Renaissance fair like he said he did. He really deserves a maiden who can joust.

Coming to my row, the elderly gentleman in front of me broke the boundaries of digital motivation by violently stating how his accomplishment was far greater than anyone else's in there.

"My name is _____________, and I went and bought a brand new Ruger 9mm pistol. Brand new, and I got an amazing deal for it down in Vegas. Killer deal I tell ya, and I'm gonna put this thing to use in the fall for sure."

Cue confused reaction of ooh's and aah's from the gaming group surrounding him. I think it was due to the fact that they were trying to comprehend what an actual weapon was like, possibly similar to the ones that they wielded in XBox live tournaments of Halo 3.

"Think ya can top that?" He said spitefully, turning to me.

Now I hadn't really devoted any thought process into what my introduction was going to be. After all, I had no reason to impress these folks, nor did I have any similar affiliation with any magical character in the recent release of Skyrim. Add to the fact that for me to state how I had completed a sprint triathlon a mere 24 hours earlier, would only seem egotistically imposing on everyone else, as well as physically degrading on their athletic abilities. I know I can be somewhat insensitive at times, but I'm not that big of a jerk.

And so, with my creative juices flowing, I bowed my head and delivered a kick to the confidence level of the man in front of me.

"Hey guys, my name is Brock, and I killed a dragon."

Cue moment of awesome silence. Purely awesome silence I tell you.

"Wait...you did what?" A random voice called out.

"I, killed a dragon." I repeated.

"You're making this up, right?" Another outburst.

"No, I'm not." I said. "Her name was Angie. It was a tough task, but I killed her."

The group started chuckling as they misinterpreted the feminine naming of my trophy.

"Oh, so you mean like, you hooked up with a girl named Angie." One of them said. "I see what you're getting at."

"No, that's not it." I responded. "I woke up yesterday morning, packed up my sword, drove out to Pine Valley, hiked up the mountain, and slayed a dragon. True story."

Cue ever-increasing silence of confused perception.

"So, you're not talking about D&D then?" One of them asked.

"What's that?" I replied.

Cue even longer pause.

"Alright then, he's uh, Brock, and he...killed a dragon. Who's next?"

Yes, this may in fact be one of the most random stories/blogposts that I will ever publish on this blog. Wait a minute, what am I talking about? That's the actual name of my blog in the first place. This whole thing is oozing with randomness, never mind. I also am not going to throw into the mix about how we all should be looking to slay the figurative dragons in our lives that stand in our way. Come on now, I'm never that pathetic and cheesy. You know this.

All I am saying is that this has been one of the best weeks of my life. And it will always be like this because I want it to be. My name is Brock and I killed a dragon.

What the heck did you do this week?

What do you think?


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