Monday, February 27, 2012

We are Lazy

I feel like a stay at home, two-face mother of four children for not posting on this blog for the past few weeks. I have no excuses, I really don't. I shouldn't be the one who blames my kids' illness, or my term papers as the reason for my lack in posting. Hopefully, my sarcastic and belittling words can win back your fandom though.

For full effect download "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

We all love that song don't we? Of course we do. Everyone enjoys waking up on a Saturday afternoon and not vacating the three-foot circumference that surrounds our beds. I will admit it is days like those that I relish for once in a blue moon. Do you know why we L-word days like those?

Because we are lazy pieces of cow dung.

Cue awkward moment of silence as I rip my own generation to shreds. Follow with a midnight run to Smith's in your flannel pajamas to purchase a king size bar of Symphony chocolate that you can slobber over while you remember why you don't read my blog because of how I am ten pounds of crap stuffed in a five pound bag.

Yes, I am a compartment filled with douche.

Honestly, our culture and society is one that is heaping with a lack of self-motivation and determination to accomplish the tasks placed before us. Procrastination seems to be our middle names as we stumble through a nine to five escapade while holding a rosary sending up Hail Mary’s in hopes that Friday will roll around quicker than expected.

Cue awkward opening scene from “Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper” or any other waste of a show that aired every T.G.I.F.

Why are we like this? I have no idea. It is mind-boggling to live in a world filled with goal-setters and aspirant go-getters, but have no fortitude or patience to stick with the task that they are given. This is a world where we look for the quickest and easiest solution to anything that can be classified as a slight bump in the road. Our world is one where we rely on creations such as Siri, and the Internet to solve any difficulty placed before us. Yes kids, that’s right, we are getting packed away into oblivion by html coding and app innovators.

I was on Reddit this morning, (kind of a hypocritical pastime for this blogpost, I know) when one of the posts was asking Redditors to post three things in their lives that they want to accomplish before they die. And oh boy was it outlandish to see some of the things that our world wants, or hopes rather to achieve.

“I want to write a book” was a classic response. “I want to finish up my degree” was another common statement. Then there was the cliché “I want to move in/settle down with/marry my gf/bf/future spouse”. That was a given on nearly every single one of the responses. There were also the far-fetched, outlandish, WTF-are-they-thinking goals as well. “I want to work on the moon for NASA”, “I want to build a ’67 Shelby Mustang from Scratch”, “I want to be a successful politician”, “I want to move to Hollywood and win an Oscar”. These are all great hopes and ambitions, but will any of them actually happen?

Absolutely not.

And do you know why? Because we live in a world that sets mediocre goals and then lets them fly by the wind. We live in a world where people hallucinate over potential lifestyle changes that will never happen because they’re too focused on catching the latest episode of “How I Met Your Mother” tonight. Our world is stockpiled with cattle who have delusional trances transposed in their conscious thought, but then don’t have the actual balls to act upon those urges when the Jiminy Cricket inside their heads tells them to get off their lethargic hindquarters and do something.

Call me negative, degrading, pessimistic, miserable, gloomy, or whatever other word you want to look up on Word’s thesaurus and copy and paste into the previous sentence. Yes, I may be, but I’m more of a realist who is tired of living in a social order of wannabes and never will bes who are banking on potential dreams that will never come true. And hopefully this blogpost frustrates you enough that you’ll sever the ties with my downbeat remarks and go do something productive with your own life, rather than set lofty targets in the sky that you know that you’ll never hit.

Cue enraged hurling of chocolate and induced 5K run on your local gym’s treadmill.

There. Now don’t you feel better?

What do you think?


  1. You are a "stay at home, two-face mother of four children" but we still like you, Brock. :)

    1. I think that we're all two faced stay at home Moms with four kids E.J.