Road trips do funny things to your head.
Especially when you’re sitting next to a man who is a complete and total opposite person as you are.
For full effect, download “West Coast” by Coconut Records and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.
By the way, might I add that I expect this blogpost to not get nearly the amount of traffic that say a blogpost about the L-word would get. You're a funny audience, you know that? You're driven to read my material only if the title is catchy, or envelope-pushing enough. For example, some of my highest trafficked posts have titles hinting at a sarcastic rant about my disbelief in the L-word. You people ache to hear me rant about being single. Or when I give you my virgin perspective on the act of love-making. You all remember the ever popular "Week of Sex" posts don't you? Those were some of the highest trafficked posts I have ever seen. And for that, I thank you.
Kids, it’s that time of year again. A time when the number of miles I log on my car every month is higher than my yearly salary, or when my belt starts to tug at its strings because my breakfast of a Mt. Dew, Laffy Taffy and Apple Fritters was the only thing I could find at the buffet table. Yes, this is life on the road. Been doing it for over three years now, and you can bet your little sister on the fact that I’m pretty dang good at it.
Road trips are fun. Especially when you’re with someone who you can bounce hypothetical questions off of for hours on end and have meaningless discussions about whether or not Obamacare is going to push us to a Zombie apocalypse. Currently I’m seated next to the infamous Keith Tronic, whose nickname is going to go down in folklore like the great Heisenberg. We’re on a quick 48-hour run to California and back in hopes that our salesmanship will win us over a few more kids, and you wouldn’t believe some of the crap we’ve started talking about.
Me: "So off the top of your head, what are the top three songs sung by Queen?"
Keith: "Well number one would have to be 'Bohemian Rhapsody' without question."
Me: "Ha! I knew it! Drew thinks it's 'We Are The Champions.' Tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it!"
Keith: "Listen to this glorious R&B. I had this kind of music as my intro song for the softball league I played in."
Me: "You had an intro song for a city softball league? Who are you?!"
Me: I HATE HOW CALIFORNIANS WERE NEVER TAUGHT THE CONCEPT OF SLOWER TRAFFIC SHOULD MERGE TO THE RIGHT! AAAAHHH!!!"
Keith: "Do you get a bad case of road rage?"
Me: "Only when I'm driving through this state."
When you're on the road, your true colors start to come out. This is going to be a quick 48 hours.