Another Front Porch Couple

Sometimes on road trips I get all liquored up on Nyquil to combat my body’s decision to build an abundantly large dam of mucus in my nasal cavity. This of course affects the quality of the post you are about to read. On behalf of my semi-drunk subconscious, I do apologize. For full effect, download “Kiss From A Rose” by Seal, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I would also like to add that song was in fact the...

The Murtaugh List

There are some days of my life where I feel old. Old enough to buy a life insurance policy, but not old enough to start drinking Metamucil. For full effect, go watch “How I Met Your Mother” season four, episode 19, entitled, “The Murtaugh List” and enjoy at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. For those of you who don’t have Netflix, The Murtaugh List is a list of activities that the unsung hero Ted Mosby put together...

Grouplove

Me: “Have you ever been involved in a group of friends, a group so tightly woven that you were all besties? A group that could literally have a giant sleepover and there would be no sexual harassment charges filed whatsoever?” M: “No, I’m not really into the whole ‘group’ thing. The majority of my friendships are scattered all over the place. I’ve never really been a part of a ‘group’. Me: “I see. So you’re the jerk no one invited because...

Turn That Off!

So I’m sitting in my front room with five very intelligent people talking about the economy, the debt ceiling, and nuclear fallout. Deep issues, I know. But as the clock strikes just after midnight, I must say that one of the hottest topics we have discussed is a very controversial subject in my own book, and is something that I think is one of the biggest issues we are all facing in today’s world. Women’s sports. For full effect, download...

So You Think You Can Sing?

What’s the nicest way to tell someone that they should not open their mouth when a song is playing in the background? Let me rephrase that, how do you tell someone in a nice way that they suck Arabian Donkey Tuna when it comes to singing? For full effect, download “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. You may ask why I’ve selected that epic masterpiece. Simply put, no matter where...

It Was That Bad

“So this one time I took this girl out, one thing led to another, yada yada yada, and to sum it up, it was the absolute worst date I have ever been on in my entire life.” Is something every single one of us has told a group of friends.  For full effect, download “Another Saturday Night” by Sam Cooke, and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I would also like to give a shout out to the wonderful Jordan Del...

Conversations With Midgets

“Brock, can I ask you what is the secret to life?” The midget asked me on our ride out to Staheli Farms. “Hmm… I would have to say the number 42.” I replied. For full effect, download “Start Shootin’” by Little People and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. Coincidentally, this song started playing on my Pandora account seconds after I came up with the catchy title. Add that to the list of little things that...

Feel The Burn

Running a marathon is like sex. A lot of confusion among sweaty bodies, euphoric feelings being stirred for brief moments that really can’t be described in words whatsoever, and an extreme amount of chafing. That’s pretty much what I was exposed to yesterday when I pulled myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 4:15 a.m. and packed myself on to a bus full of people using Icy Hot as perfume. For full effect, come over to my house and download...

On The Road Yet Again

Road trips do funny things to your head.  Especially when you’re sitting next to a man who is a complete and total opposite person as you are. For full effect, download “West Coast” by Coconut Records and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. By the way, might I add that I expect this blogpost to not get nearly the amount of traffic that say a blogpost about the L-word would get. You're a funny audience,...