Weird Ways We Die

With this Week of **** having the theme of that event that's created by a black-clothed skeleton holding a scythe, I thought I would share this graphic that I found on Reddit. Totally bizarre and random, yet unique in its own way....

Just For Kicks And Giggles

Now that I’ve added a couple more inches to the waist of my pants, I shall tell you of another way that we cope with tragedy in our lives. One of the greatest forms of emotion ever created. Something that we rely upon, use and abuse just so that we won’t be caught in a white padded room wearing a hug myself jacket. This is a tool that people such as Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Farley, and Daniel Tosh have excelled at, and also something that Paulie...

Food For Thought

And now we eat. The dust has settled, the train has left the station, and any other metaphor you can think of has happened. So what is next? I don’t think that there is another letter on the end of the DABDA grief cycle that stands for gorging yourself on jello parfaits and chili cheese nachos. Yes, that has been on my plate in the last 24 hours. For full effect, download “Just Eat It” by Weird Al Yankovich and play at maximum volume throughout...

A Chocolate-Covered Chick Flick

So last week I was trying to help out my dear second cousin recover from the loss of her Grandmother. Here's how the dialogue between the two of us transpired the day before the funeral. Swamp Thing: "I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma, that must be tough. The Hairy Trojan: "Thank you, ya it's not too fun." Swamp Thing: "Do you or your mom need anything? Chocolate? Chick Flicks? Chocolate-covered chick flicks?" The Hairy Trojan: "Hahaha....

What Not To Say At A Viewing

For the record, have I mentioned how disturbed our culture is for having a celebratory gala with an open casket and a recently deceased individual displayed before everyone? Yeah, a little bit messed up, but hey that's the way we live. And die. Do you think on the other side, all of the departed souls are looking at each other saying, "Yeah, our family and friends are a little bit screwy for wanting to have a party with a dead guy." Who knows? For...

The Grief Cycle

We all deal very differently with the difficult situations presented in our lives. Some of us listen to emo music, some of us punch holes in walls, and every other woman eats a couple pints of Ben & Jerry’s. No matter what it is, whenever a traumatic event like a person’s death occurs, we all are forced to deal with it, and forced to go through what is called the grief cycle. For full effect download “Sad Songs” by Elton John and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. It’s called DABDA. And this is how it works....

Week of ****

This may be the most bizarre, screwed up "Week of's" that you handful of readers are ever going to witness and take in. I'm not writing any of this for sympathy, pathetic warm reassuring shoulders, or awkward moments of silence. I'm writing this because writing is my personal therapy. It's how I handle life. One keystroke after another. Four months ago, I had no idea what the outcome of my life would be in January of 2012. And I will admit it is interesting how rather than life throwing you a curveball, the Karma pitcher that we all face...

At Night

Saw this pic on Reddit the other day, and it sums up my other white meat past time that keeps me from losing my sanity from November to April. That's right B.E.P. Longhorn, I love to have some gnarly shred...

Who put the "Fun" in Funeral?

Seated in a chapel surrounded by people who are all dressed in black, with mascara-coated tissues hanging out of their pockets is one of the most awkward places to be. We've all been here at one point in our lives. Curse this cruel existence that we call life. And since it's now over for one of us, let us all get dressed to the nines and reminisce about our loved one's greatest accomplishments. On average it costs over $10,000 to die in this...

Grandpa's Ipad

For a long time I have been an advocate of how technology is cheapening our human existence. Yes, we rely upon status updates and twitter feeds to keep our days revolving at what we think is the right speed. And I think at some point in all of our lives we let the internet relationships overpower the interpersonal relationships that we all have. Heck, I'm blogging at a 9th grade girls basketball game surrounded by screaming mothers living vicariously...

The Rain in Spain

I thought I would be a little bit more consistent with my blogging escapades, seeing as how my life is revolving around it this semester. And yes, I’ll give a shout out to all of you dedicated bloggers who post about things more important than 6-month life updates, and penny-pinching coupon festivals. Yes, you know who you bloggers are. The Buffoon: “See, bloggers are all just a buncha narcisstic pompous, good-for-nothin’s.” Swamp Thing: “Well,...

What's Your Fantasy?

Wow. Has it been an entire week since I last posted on this site? You would think that I would be more dedicated to blogging in the year 2012, seeing as how it is the subject of my Master’s Thesis combined with how everyone has those wishy-washy weeklong tributes called “resolutions”. One would only think that, however I have somewhat gone in the opposite direction. Hopefully I can pull a U-turn with this posting. On a side note, Gold’s Gym...