Testimony Meeting

I am a nerd. For those who actually follow this mix-up of jargon know that. However, there are some much more interesting people in this world. Where do you find them? Oh that's simple. At a fast and testimony meeting.

Now if you've known me longer than ten minutes, you understand my disappreciation for the Utah Mormon culture. This disgust only increases as I sit through a ho-hum nutcase venting session in church every first Sunday of the month.

For some reason nut jobs think that standing at a podium to bear their testimony means that they will open up a Pandora's Box of experiences that define the creatures that they are.

For example:

• A girl got up and expressed her frustrations for still being in a singles ward and that all of the men should pursue her to get married.

• Douchebag McCoy's will all get up and remind all of the chicas that they served a mission and this then makes them the ideal mate.

• A kid referred to his partying days and remembers all of the good times that he had when he was "sloshed".

• A guy got up and referenced that he knew the church was true because one day the Lord spoke to him while he was playing Super Mario Brothers.

• A kid got up and made the statement, "Do or do not, there is no try."

• To which the next girl got up and said "I'm so glad that the last kid quoted Yoda in his testimony." By the way she is named after the 80's band Journey. (It's pronounced Jer-nee')

You find out alot about people by watching them bear their testimonies. That they can be crazy. That they are wacko. Or that they can be genuine. It all depends. Heck those type of people motivated me to write this blog during testimony meeting itself.

People are unique. We all are. The best line I've ever heard in a testimony was when an elderly woman said, "I'm so glad that the Lord has spoken to me through a bowl of Alpha-Bits cereal."

She said this in Boston.