Sunday, January 24, 2010

Being a man a wonderful lifestyle

As most of you know, I grew up in a very unique household surrounded by women. I say that meaning that I had 11 sisters, sisters who were very girly, very feminine, very estrogenian. However, I stood my ground and maintained my masculine side. (Once every 7 years.) And I have a few things to say about how I love, being a man.

I love not worrying about whether my toilet seat is up or down. I love getting excited about watching things blow up. I love reciting the storyline of the 2004 NBA finals. I love not worrying about if my pants match my shoes. I love not having to put on makeup before I go out in public.

I love getting out of the shower, stopping, flexing in front of my mirror, and thinking that I'm the sexiest guy in the whole world. Trust me ladies, every guy does that. I love being able to get ready for the day in less than five minutes. I love not worrying about excusing the mess to guests at my apartment, simply because most guys are messy and I have a reason for my messiness.

I love lounging around in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts all day long and not feeling guilty about it at all. I love eating a double cheeseburger at 1 a.m. and not worrying about if any of it is going to my thighs. I love watching the Super Bowl not just for the commercials. I love ogling at a picture of Carmen Electra just because I can. I love not having to worry about the agony of childbearing.

I love discussing the latest car trends with a group of my buddies and not any of us having a clue what we're talking about. I love not asking people for directions when I'm lost. I love watching “Dumb and Dumber” hundreds of times and still laughing at the same jokes over and over. I love talking about hunting stories with my buddies that we've all shared, and exaggerating the details till the story is nearly unbelievable. I love growing a beard and pretending to be the Brawny man or Paul Bunyan.

I love having enough pride to cheer on a football team that hasn't had a winning season in seven years. I love going camping, not showering for five days, and still feeling like a million bucks. I love not asking my buddy if the pair of pants that I'm wearing makes me look fat. I love talking about whose truck could beat up whose. I love having the ability to go to the bathroom wherever I want to. I love having a simple life. I love being able to be pleased easily.

I love understanding how an engine works. I love having the words testosterone and masculinity in my vocabulary, as well as in my body. I love watching movies that have massive explosions and fast car chases, and not ones that have long distance love and romance from beyond the grave. I love not crying at the sight of a deer drinking from a pond at sunrise while classical Mozart music plays in the background.

I love getting excited a good plate of nachos. I love seeing how many gummy bears I can stuff in my mouth on a Saturday night after drinking a 24-pack of Mountain Dew with my buddies. I love watching four hours of SportsCenter a day and being entertained throughout it all. I love pretending to know what I'm talking about when a girl asks me something about cars. I love being a man.

Sure, being a man has its setbacks sometimes, such as… um… well… you know, I can't think of any off hand. And as the years go on, I'm sure there will be other reasons that make me glad I'm a guy, but for now, I'm going to live in the moment and revel in the fact that I am man. Hear me roar.

What do you think?

1 comment:

  1. You stare at yourself in the mirror? Naked? that is a disturbing image that i feel you need to apologize to everyone about.