Sunday, May 31, 2015

How I Met Your Mother

Kids, I have told you dozens of stories over the years that have moved from Point A to Point B with hopefully some kind of moral at the end. Out of all of the stories you have heard up to this moment, none are more important than what happened last Sunday night on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain. For full effect, download “And There She Was” by The Solids and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post. I think I am...

Monday, May 18, 2015

Call Me Peggy

So remember that one time when I used to write on this thing called a blog?  For full effect, download "Changes" by David Bowie and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.  Seriously people, I sound like a cookie cutter mid-30's stay-at-home Mother named Peggy with three kids who just washed either chocolate or poop from her split-end littered hair, when I say the words "Here's a new post on my blog, just...

Friday, May 1, 2015

This Makes No Sense

Kids, right now I'm sitting in front of a class of students who are taking the final exam for the Interpersonal Communication course I taught this semester. Yes, actual people are taking a test that I wrote for a class that I taught. I'm not saying this to boost my ego, I'm saying this because holy freaking curse word, I am the mediator for how a student's academic future will look like.  There has to be something wrong here.  For...

Monday, April 20, 2015

Hit The Road

Kids, right now I'm heading south on I-15, somewhere in between Mesquite and mile marker 127. I've got a bowl of Cap'n Crunch in my belly, a pair of fancy schmancy sunglasses on my face, listening to Matthew White elegantly serenade profanity to me as I use my left thigh to navigate past truckers, trailers, and Priuses while I write down my memoirs on what will be the last road trip I will ever take as a recruiter for Dixie State University. For...

Sunday, April 5, 2015

This Is How I Met A Girl

"So you really need to tone the blog down. I mean, just quit telling all these stories and stuff. You're making us look bad." Said one of the brothers. "Totally man. I mean, you need to just stop blogging altogether. That way you'll be more likable." Said another. "Wait, so I need to stop telling my future kids this story of how I potentially met their Mother?" I ask. "Absolutely." They agreed. "I swear your stock will shoot through the roof...

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Why, Thank You!

“I never send an after date text.” Brooke says to me last Friday night. “Come again for Big Fudge?” “If a guy is interested, he’ll fight to take me out again. Since when is that text a mandatory thing every girl MUST do once the date is over?” Um, why does anyone spend money on another person and not get a thank you in return? Since when is the dating world we’re all playing in a figurative version of a strip club? For full effect, download...