The Status

Yes, I’m going to vent a little bit about a minute issue in our lives that has nothing important to do with the way that our society functions as a whole.

That’s what I always do.

Since the inception of Facebook, (and yes, I only used that word because of a popular Leonardo DiCaprio movie) there has been a plague among us that has done more damage than the SARS virus did. I’m talking about the way that we all tell the world about the pointless escapades that we’re involved in ranging from burnt toast to parking tickets. Yes kids, that’s right I’m referring to the Facebook status.

For full effect, cue awkward repetitive playing of Chopsticks in the background by a street band of athletes/wannabe musicians trying to impress the ladies at the student center that I’m in.

From its initial posting, the Facebook status was designed so that everyone else would know about the pointless activities that we were involved in, or about the opinions that we had on current issues. However, there is one aspect of it that is driving me mad! That makes me want to vomit up last night’s Sweet and Sour chicken over and over again.

Cue background music of “Kung-Fu Fighting” because the town that I’m currently situated in, has not graduated to 90’s music.

Whoever first started up the motivational song lyric Facebook posting, you sir, need to be strapped before the Spanish Armada and fired upon at close range. It’s because of you, that my dear and beautiful sister decides to post inspirational Justin Bieber quotes on a repeated basis. And no, I never thought it would be possible that Justin Bieber and inspirational quotes could be used in the same sentence.

“Baby, baby, baby…” Yes, those are the limits of his intelligence.

What are you trying to accomplish Facebook user as you post song lyrics about your life? What is the true meaning behind this action? Do you want sympathy? Do you want us to realize that you have trials in your life that are more difficult for you to bear, and that we should bake you a giant Better Than Sex cake so you can lay in your bed and eat while the world wallows in your pitiful lifestyle?

Insert bold proclamation about the love that we have for our spouse/significant other meanwhile we share the same Facebook account.

Yes, I know that you L-word the one cuddled up next to you, but it almost sounds like there is a heightened level of insecurity in your tone of keyboard voice if you must make sure that all 968 of your shallow relationships know that you publicly acknowledge your passions for them. What happens when the two of you get in a fight? Is it alright then for you to talk trash to the world on that shared account? Do you see the pointless nature of your status?

Cue 20-something mother of four children declaring that her two-year old just learned how to take a poo.

Really? We need to hear that? Congratulations on the successful bowel movement, but a status update such as that intermingled with song lyrics and statements of love make me want to delete my Facebook account altogether and focus my efforts on building actual relationships with real people. And yes, believe it or not, that is possible.

And I might in fact be a hypocrite for posting the link to this blog on my own Facebook account, but at least I’m not doing it in association with my bathroom schedule or meaningless lyrics. Besides, how else are you going to hear about the greatest blog ever written anyway? Facebook is free marketing if you ask me.

One day our lives perhaps might not be governed by the approval of those around us. But until then, keep posting the most pointless pieces of information possible. How else am I supposed to come up with blogpost topics?