The Grief Cycle

We all deal very differently with the difficult situations presented in our lives. Some of us listen to emo music, some of us punch holes in walls, and every other woman eats a couple pints of Ben & Jerry’s. No matter what it is, whenever a traumatic event like a person’s death occurs, we all are forced to deal with it, and forced to go through what is called the grief cycle.

For full effect download “Sad Songs” by Elton John and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

It’s called DABDA. And this is how it works. Everyone goes through it, the time lengths aren’t always the same, but everyone will take steps 1-5 to get through any type of personal loss that happens in their lives.

Step 1, D: D stands for Denial kids, and may also be substituted for Shock. Denial means you don’t accept what has happened. Your brain hasn’t fully understood the magnitude of the given negative situation. You’re having a hard time figuring out why your dog ran away, or why she chose Edward over Jacob. I think I’m in Stage D right now. And not because of Stephanie Meyer’s awful love triangle.

Step 2, A: A stands for Anger. You’re pissed off (not pissed on), you’re upset. You’re mad at the world for what happened. You’re mad that she dumped you, you’re mad that he pulled the trigger, you’re mad that they cancelled Arrested Development after such a short run of glory. Anger is one of the most polar extreme stages that you go through in handling a crisis.

Step 3, B: B stands for Bargaining. You bargain with the people around you at this point. Not for a better snack from their lunchbox, but with your dialogue. You want them to hear about your situation. You want them to understand what you’re going through. You want them to feel your pain. But you know what, they can’t. And they won’t. Because it’s yours. No one else’s.

Step 4, D: D stands for Depression. The lowest of all the stages. The most saddening, miserable, and alone stage that you will ever feel. This is where we feel that the world is against us. This is where emo music, punched holes in walls, and Ben & Jerry can’t help us out at all. This is also where women statistically eat the most chocolate in their lives. True story.

Step 5, A: A stands for Acceptance. This is when the dust has finally settled and we’re all sitting back allowing ourselves to accept the world around us now that our best friend is gone, or now that we have reached the end of our Slurpee. It can take people 10 weeks or 10 years to finally get to this stage, but sooner or later, we all get there.

And that kids is how we handle discouraging experiences in our lives. That is how we get through all of the tough stuff that happens. Life sucks and then you die seems to be the best theme that any of us can use in our own personal day-to-day activities. How you get from point A to point B is your own business. Just make sure you get to the end of DABDA.