Saved By The Bell

It’s alarming how many of you clicked on the link because you saw the words “Saved By The Bell” in the title, when in all reality you probably don’t know a single thing about that overused, overhyped, wannabe sitcom that has its logo branded all over early 90’s television.

There, I said it.

For full effect, download “Under the Bridge”, by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

Any shallow Hal born in the 1980’s: “Oh my gosh, I just LOVE Saved By the Bell! It’s such a GREAT show. I mean, sometimes I turn on the CW, and they’ll be playing a marathon, and I just HAVE to stay and watch it all night!”

LIAR! First of all, who the curse word even watches the CW network anyway? When their hit show is about a superhero named ‘Arrow’, they aren’t worth anyone’s time. Second, you have probably never watched more than 90 seconds of any single “Saved By The Bell” episode anyway, mainly because it’s a boring show, and you more than likely tuned out after the theme song got done playing. Why else would it have been cancelled after 70 episodes?

Aside from Screech, Zack, Kelly, or Slater, can any of you name one other character from Saved By The Bell? No, you can’t! Don’t lie to yourself, and don’t you dare lie to this blog. The only way you could was if you searched the character list on IMDB.com. “Saved By The Bell” is the TV show that pops its collar and only tucks the front of its shirt into a giant belt buckle.

Look where all those so-called teen idols ended up. One of them still thinks he’s Hollywood hot stuff by hosting “America’s Best Dance Crew”. One of them uses his video blog to complain about the fact that his acting career forced him into bankruptcy. One of them shows off her bi-polar tics in TV interviews, and one of them had her last big acting gig in an X-rated film about showgirls. And these are the kids that we were supposed to model our lives after in the 90’s?

Every pretentious liar in Generation X: “Saved By The Bell was like the show I would always watch when I got home from school. I would have my Capri Sun, and Ritz crackers and laugh all afternoon.”

We all know that isn’t true. First of all, Capri Sun wasn’t popular until “The Secret World of Alex Mack” got big on Nickelodeon, and we all thought we could morph into a giant pile of liquid metal. And besides that, “Saved By The Bell” was cancelled by 1993, probably long before any Gen-X-er understood the proper function of toilet paper.

Saved By The Bell doesn’t have a cult following. Don’t kid yourself. It’s no “Arrested Development” or “Community” or even “The Adventures of Pete and Pete”! It’s a shallow show. Go ahead, I dare you, try and remember a single episode from Bayside High School. You can’t! You remember that show as much as you remember BK Knight high tops. Remember those? Absolutely not! And if you do, you’re as honest as Lance Armstrong.

The point of all this is don’t lie to yourself and go along with the crowd trying to fit into what pop culture calls “hip” and “cool”. Just because your friend supposedly liked “Saved By The Bell” (which they didn’t), doesn’t mean that you need to sell yourself short, put on an act, and fib to the rest of society that you adored it too.

Because you and I both know, that’s not true.