I woke up from a dead sleep at 3 am this morning and had a
rather deep epiphany about lessons I wish I knew about life.
For full effect, download “Going Missing” by Maximo Park and
play at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.
Every so often I think we all wonder about our past, where
we came from, the choices we made, why we said and did certain things. We all
get those pair of hindsight goggles put over our eyes that make us wonder about
who we are.
And who we were.
This morning at 3 am I got to thinking about past Brock.
That goofy, uncoordinated, socially awkward pimple-pusher who used to get
wasted on Mt. Dew and Lucky Charms. A kid who said far more ridiculously stupid
things than present Brock, and for a brief time in his life thought Hawaiian
shirts were a thing. Yeah, that guy. Laying in my bed I wondered about some of
the advice I would give him, what life lessons I would want to teach him,
pointers here and there I wish he would have known, and I will say there were a
few “regrets” that I have.
And so I wrote them down. At 3 am with my eyes half shut,
and my brain half functioning, I wrote the life lessons I wish I could teach
past self about. And seeing as how there are a ludicrous number of posts flying
around the Web that are entitled, “X-number of things that would save my
marriage, or relationship, or yada yada yada”, I thought I would join in on the
trendy crowd and make my own list of things that you can all count as freaking
doctrine for all I care.
With that being said, these are the 28 things I wish past
Brock would have known when he was 18.
1. Nothing good happens after 2 am.
2. Attempting to beat Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is not the
wisest way to spend 29 hours of your life.
3. Do a few extra crossword puzzles with Grandpa, Sportscenter
can wait.
4. Don’t laugh at Ken Hendrickson when he tries to sell you
life insurance.
5. Creating a Myspace account will not get you further ahead in
life.
6. Double the amount of high-fives you give to people.
7. Get a Costco membership immediately.
8. Punching a hole in your wall after the 2006 National
Championship is not the best idea.
9. Start writing your blog right now. Your kids will appreciate
it.
10. New Year’s Eve is a highly overrated holiday.
11. Becoming incredibly skilled at NCAA Football 2004 is not
worth your time. You should spend more time playing the piano. Trust me, the
ladies will L-word that.
12. Talk to your Dad. Tell him who you are. He is proud to call
you his son.
13. Waiting until 2013 to start watching Modern Family is a
foolish decision.
14. Listen much more than you talk. Seriously, people care more
about themselves, than they care about you.
15. Make sure you don’t send a text message to break up with a
girl.
16. Math 1050 may be hard, but don’t wait until your fourth time
around to pass that stinking class.
17. Try and become at least halfway decent at Ping Pong. This
may sound a bit odd I know, but you will play many more matches of this sport
than you expect, and you’ll want to be able to hold your own on that table.
18. Start doing yoga. I promise you, it will be worth it in the
long run. And no, people will not think that you’re gay. Not that there’s
anything wrong with that.
19. Don’t quote Zoolander to a girl who actually has an eating
disorder.
20. Suspenders are very underrated.
21. Whenever someone asks you to sing Karaoke, make sure and do
your drunk Brock version of “Bohemian Rhapsody” every single time, it will
always be amazing.
22. This may make me sound like an old man, but start working on
your chip shot right this second. Golf will soon become your closet obsession.
23. Don’t waste your time on Chelsee Hausauer.
24. Newer is not always better.
25. Dashboard Confessional should not be your inaugural concert.
26. Three movies you should not buy tickets for: The
Benchwarmers, Bridesmaids, and R.I.P.D.
27. Start snowboarding now. Seriously, right now. Stop what
you’re doing, go buy a snowboard, buy a helmet, buy a pass, and start shredding
gnar right freaking now.
28. And last but not least, there are some people in your life
that are going to take a lot of work on both sides to keep around. But trust
me, they are so worth it.
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