I Believe...

A very beautiful, very smart, very outgoing girl posted a great blog today that I will admit I admired. If you want to have a feel-good moment with yourself and see some of the most motivating truths in life, check out her post here. In honor of Kelli Young, I will now write a cover of what I believe to be my own beliefs. Things that I believe are the truths in life, with a little order of universal fallacies on the side. And…cue instrumental version of Canon in D…

I believe that the top inside Leonardo DiCaprio’s mind will remain spinning for the remainder of time.

I believe that a man’s tie is of equal or greater value than his actual suit.

I believe that if the song “Hotel California” comes on the radio that we must all stop and face East out of respect for The Eagles.

I believe that cinnamon bears were invented as a defensive candy to punish kids for misbehaving.

I believe that boarding is better than skiing.

I believe that any form of cake is a dessert made by the devil.

I believe that “How I Met Your Mother” is the greatest show in the history of modern television.

I believe that a putter is the most important club in your bag.

I believe that Zombies will never go out of style.

I believe that every single person needs to taste the Miss Piggy sandwich from the Spin Café in Heber, at least once in their life.

I believe that “Fight Club” the book, was better than “Fight Club” the movie.

I believe that all women L-word projects, consequently, I believe that nice guys will ALWAYS finish last.

I believe that Michaelangelo is the most talented of the four Ninja Turtles.

I believe that there are more productive things to do in life than watch a live baseball game on television.

I believe that Tom Selleck and Nick Offerman are the only men who should own the rights to having a moustache.

I believe that a woman will only L-word you as far as your checkbook will take her.

I do not believe that poker should be on ESPN.

I do not believe that the second and third Matrix installments were poorly made films.

I do not believe that mankind was ever supposed to eat the vegetable okra.

I do not believe that tucking only the front of your shirt into your pants to expose your enhanced belt buckle makes you more of a catch for the ladies.

I do not believe that chicks actually dig scars.

I do not believe that orange is an ugly color.

I do not believe that dying in today’s modern world should cost upward of 10K.

I do not believe that Jerry Sloan really wanted to retire from the game of basketball when he did.

I do not believe that Dan Harmon should have left the show “Community”.

I do not believe that the New York Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, Michigan Wolverines, or Detroit Red Wings should ever be allowed to win another Championship.

I do not believe that people actually cared about Twinkies until about two weeks ago.

I do not believe that once we die and move on from life on Earth that our final destination will be Costco.

I do not believe that the semicolon gets its fair share of usage in the proper form of English punctuation.

I do not believe that getting a tribal tattoo will ever get you anywhere in life.

I do not believe that the argument of Jacob vs. Edward will ever be resolved.

I do not believe that there is a difference between a pot roast and meatloaf.

I do not believe that Bart is a good name for a child.

These are the truths and untruths that I hold dear to my heart; things that stand as the benchmarks for how I will live my life. These are the doctrines to which I will focus on instilling into my children as they grow older and begin creating standards of their own.