The X-Factor

I got a text this afternoon letting me know about an epilepsy art show being sponsored in Salt Lake, inviting anyone affected by seizures to submit something for the gallery. I asked them if a canvas full of splattered paint would be the epitome of properly themed art. They didn’t think that was very funny.

What? I can make jokes like that, I’m one of them.

For full effect, download “Hey Ya” by Outkast and play Andre 3000’s line “Shake it” over and over again at maximum volume throughout the duration of this post.

Actually, this post has nothing to do with seizures, I just thought that was an amusing text to get late this afternoon. Go ahead, laugh at me.

In other news, I had a rather in-depth conversation last night with a very lovely lady about relationships, communication, and deal breakers. Speaking of deal breakers, I would like to send out a formal apology to Kameron Perkins. Whenifoundout.com never really hit it big buddy, but hey, at least we tried.

Last night Scary Gary’s Daughter and myself talked about plenty of things that in our eyes make or break a relationship with another person. Things like having kids, or being a closet schizo were obvious answers, but we both had things that were personalized deal breakers tailored just for us. Near the end of our discussion, she brought up a deal breaker that to me is basically the ultimatum for a couple to be happy.

Scary Gary’s Daughter: “My biggest deal breaker, I would have to say is the X-Factor.”

Swamp Thing: “The X-Factor? You like Simon Cowell that much? I mean, I hear that the show is good but not…”

Scary Gary’s Daughter: “No, not the TV show X-Factor, but the real X-Factor.”

Swamp Thing: “And that would be…?”

Scary Gary’s Daughter: “The X-Factor is just a feeling that sets in. You can’t explain it, you can’t really define it, it’s just there. When a couple really fits each other, they have the X-Factor.”

Swamp Thing: “I kind of see what you mean…”

Scary Gary’s Daughter: “It’s like when you’re with someone and you have the X-Factor, when they leave, you want to be with them. You miss them. You don’t want them to go. That’s the X-Factor. If you’re with someone and you enjoy being with them, but you don’t really mind when they leave, that’s a problem. A big one.”

Cue Swamp Thing’s stunned silence that there is actually another person in this world who has thought about the X-Factor.

This “X-factor” idea actually stems back to a conversation that I had months ago with The Rhinestone Cowboy when he asked me why I was about to end a very serious relationship with someone who everyone and their dog thought was a perfect fit for me.

Swamp Thing: “Let me ask you a question buddy, let’s say that the Mrs. Rhinestone Cowboy were to, heaven forbid, pass away, what would you do? How would you feel?”

The Rhinestone Cowboy: Cue emotionally long pause… “I would honestly be devastated. I don’t think that I could function as a human being, or survive, if I didn’t have her with me. I don’t know what I would do.”

Swamp Thing: “And that my friend, that, is what I want. That feeling, is something I’ve never felt before. I want, and I need to be devastated.”

Deep down, we all need that X-Factor.